hospice.jpg
A 25-year veteran in hospice care says you can learn a lot about what matters in life by observing those at the end of it. (AP Photo/file)

Hospice nurse shares list of five things you must say before you die

BY Ursula Reutin  on November 14, 2012 @ 10:38 am (Updated: 3:00 pm - 11/14/12 )

A 52-year-old ad executive from New Zealand died last month of cancer, and now that he's passed, his rant on his blog has taken on a new life. In it, Linds Redding says he wasted countless late nights and weekends, and missed many holidays and birthdays, all for nothing. In the end, he says it was not worth it.

His story raises the question about choices we make in life and how we can avoid having regrets when it's our time to go.

Eileen Geller is a hospice nurse who has been helping terminally-ill patients and their families in Seattle for the last 25 years.

Over the years, she's learned that who you are in life is who you are in death. She says people often realize that when they're at death's door and doing a "life review."

"If you're looking back and your life is just a wreckage of relationships and people, it doesn't feel good. But sometimes people will decide they have some time left, and they're no longer in charge of what happened before, but they are in charge of today. That may be all there is," she says.

Geller shares the story of a cancer patient who was at the end of his life and had been dropped off at a hospital with no family to support him. He was angry and would yell curse words at the nurses all day long. His tirades only stopped when he went into a coma.

Geller remembers giving him a sponge bath and trying to comfort him. She talked to him about forgiveness and told him it didn't matter how he lived, all that mattered was what he chose to do at that moment.

"He opened his eyes and he looked at me with what I can only describe as love and understanding. It was extraordinary, and then he breathed his last breath and died," she says.

You'd think it would be depressing to deal with so much death, but Geller says it's an honor to be there in someone's final moments. It makes her more sad to see how so many people don't live well until it's too late.

"Hospice care is really Velveteen Rabbit real. There's not all the 'better thans' and the 'thing things' and all the busy stuff that clutters our lives. You don't worry about all the places to go and the things to get," she says.

If you want to avoid being that person who has serious regrets at the end of your life, she says there are five things you want to make sure you say to the people you love before you die.

"Thank you, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, and goodbye."

Ursula Reutin, KIRO Radio Reporter
Ursula Reutin is the news anchor for The Dori Monson Show and has worked nearly every position in the KIRO Radio newsroom since her arrival in 1988.
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Comments (6)


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  • hpygolkyone wrote...
    Wow..............
    November 14, 2012 11:02 am
    Thank you for this article.....

    My ex-wife passed away 2 weeks ago from cancer and left me alone to care for our 3 teenage children.

    She never told me, or even her friends, how sick she really was and once hospice was called, she was gone in 3 weeks. Her friends and her husband (who moved into or house 4 months after I moved out) ran a gauntlet and I didn't get to see her to talk about her wishes for the children.

    What a pity to have her life go at the age of 45 and to be so bitter that you couldn't even talk to a man that she had known since she was 18 years old.

    It is hard to gather the kids together and show them strength when they are hurting as much as I am hurting.

    Life is too short to be so bitter and resentful. Try to make nice with others.

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  • maplefish wrote...
    hpygolkyone
    November 14, 2012 6:35 pm
    Wow, thats a tough one. My deepest condolences to you and your children.
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  • Snout wrote...
    It's never too late to accept Him.
    November 14, 2012 5:51 pm
    Forgiveness is there for the asking.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Annie (1) wrote...
    A Comfort
    November 15, 2012 7:25 am
    I was at the bedside of both my parents when they died-it was the most heartbreaking & at the same time the most uplifting experience. My Dad & I always had a wonderful relationship-but it was still important to let him know how much he meant to me & how much I loved him. My Mother & I however had, what you might call a prickly relationship for many years --I shut her out of my life for a long time. Things were just turning around when she was diagnosed with lung cancer & 4 months later she was gone. I spent nearly every day of those 4 months at her side, I saw her strength, her humor & her love.I read to her & combed her hair, held her hand & told her I loved her & how sorry I was for my ridulously childish behavior, & asked her forgiveness.With a Mothers heart she did. I will forever be grateful for the chance to tell both my parents what was in my heart & to know that they both knew how much they were loved. In the years since they passed away it has been my biggest comfort.
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  • Stevebo wrote...
    I could not agree more...
    November 15, 2012 9:49 am
    Life is entirely too short to go through it angry at the world all or most of the time.
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  • Dizzle wrote...
    I worked in a retirment home for 3 years as a teen.
    November 15, 2012 10:05 am
    This article speaks to much of what I remember learning there about how not to live a life.

    The most miserable, angry, and/or lonely ones tended to be wealthier and also the most fearful of death. The correlation was undeniable. Some part of them knew that a life spent taking more than they gave had left them with a legacy of unfinished business. In the end, afraid to let go.

    Dying is the one certainty we live with, yet so few of us ever think to prepare for it. Hint: the preparation has zero to do with money. I'm not the religious sort but even I trust Jesus on that one.

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