A Proclamation for the Seattle Seahawks and the 12th Man
A couple of days ago, we learned that Colorado’s governor had issued a proclamation, renaming mountains in that state after Denver Broncos players and declaring this Sunday as Denver Broncos Mania Day.
That inspired our own Dave Ross to come up with a Seahawks proclamation:
“Whereas Denver is blessed with tremendous amounts of deep powder, it could be washed away by a typical Seattle rain squall in about a minute.
And whereas the trail heads to all your 14,000 foot mountains are at about 6,000 feet, making the altitude gain what we do on a day hike.
And whereas we’re pretty sure it’s our software that’s running your computers, and our coffee that’s keeping you awake right now.
We hereby declare that we have enough raw confidence to win not only this Super Bowl, but to travel back in time and win the one we lost.
And moreover, whereas we agree that Peyton Manning is a talented athlete and a nice guy, but we’re tired of hearing about it.
And whereas if we had to we could find an activist group that considers the name Broncos to be deeply offensive to the equine community.
And whereas, to tell you the truth, it’s actually San Francisco we’d like to be humiliating on Sunday, but you’ll do in a pinch.
And whereas the 12th Man understands that the air is so thin in Denver that just as in deep space, no one can hear you scream.
And whereas being Seattleites we believe in tolerance and find this kind of trash talk to be just at the edge of our comfort zone.
And whereas we’ll both be serving the wacky brownies at our Super Bowl parties.
Therefore, we hereby declare February 2, 2014 to be “Tolerate Denver, But Beat The Crap Out Of Their Team Day.”
And urge all Washingtonians to root for a Seahawks victory in a sustainable way that complies with the emission standards envisioned under the Kyoto protocols.
And remember, let the bluest team win!”