Dr. Gail Saltz said what makes most people uncomfortable with with her theory on why we pick mates is having “marry, sex, and parent” in the same sentence. Though that isn’t what her theory is about.
Saltz, a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, told Seattle’s Morning News that many people do find themselves marrying someone who represents their opposite sex parent.
That’s the kind of reasonable explanation many people are looking for in the highly publicized relationship between newlywed soccer star Hope Solo and former Seahawk Jerramy Stevens, as they continue to make headlines.
Stevens was arrested again Wednesday this time for violation of probation in Florida. According to authorities, the probation violation is from past possession of marijuana. Police arrested Stevens at his apartment in Tampa.
Stevens was arrested just two weeks ago at a pre-wedding party in Kirkland. Officers responding to the house party said they had probable cause to arrest Stevens because Solo, Stevens’ then-fiance, had a cut on her elbow and the two had been arguing.
Solo attended Stevens’ court hearing the following day before the pair was married later that evening.
Charges for the Nov. 12, 2012 arrest were dismissed.
While preparing for an exhibition soccer match in Solo told reporters she is happy and that she’s “never been hit.”
Solo again, wrote on her Twitter account on Thursday “My beautiful husband & i happy as can be! Let me set the record straight!!! Jerramy has NEVER treated me poorly!”
Whether Solo has been hit or not, Stevens still has quite the rap sheet. It goes back to 1998 and includes a guilty plea for a hit-and-run incident, a DUI and multiple arrests for marijuana possession.
So why would a shining soccer star, fresh from the London Olympics with a gold medal around her neck, choose to be with Stevens?
Saltz said much of it likely leads back to her tumultuous relationship with her father. Solo wrote about her dad in her book “Solo: A Memoir of Hope.”
“People manage trauma in their past, often, by reliving it. It’s a misguided attempt, unfortunately, to rework it, to process it and in some ways to understand it but to get back into it,” explained Saltz.
Saltz said that sometimes people try to turn their bad parent into a good parent by seeking out those traits later in life. She said they think, “‘I’m going to look for them again, I’m going to fall in love with them, they’re the ones for me;’ to try and put it in the short hand, that’s why women often go out there and repeat it.”
Once kids are in the mix, the cycle starts all over again.
She said that for some, like Solo and Stevens, it may be hard for their cycle to continue.
“When the media spotlight is on certain people, it makes it hard for them to go on,” said Saltz. “But when it’s not someone famous, they live in misery.”
The doctor said since she doesn’t have a relationship with Solo and Stevens personally, she can’t speak to their case specifically.
Still, Saltz said, “It’s always more complicated than it appears to be on the surface.”