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 Linda Thomas
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WindowDamage.jpg
This is the kind of damage done to a window after an 11-year-old boy, tired of being bullied by a neighbor woman, shot at her window. (M. Crandall photo)

What's a mom to do after son shoots a neighbor's window?

February 18, 2013 @ 6:06 pm (Updated: 10:33 am - 2/19/13 )

For a couple of years a mom has been telling her son to ignore their neighbor who gives him dirty looks. He did. Until recently.

The mom - I'm not using her name - wrote to me asking for advice. Here's her situation. Their neighbor is a 25-year-old woman who "has been bullying" the mom's 11-year-old boy for the past two years.

"She tells him he needs to stop making her dogs bark when they play outside," mom writes. "They don't purposely make them bark, they are just playing out in my back yard. She has told him our dog is ugly and she gives him dirty looks, just antagonizes him in so many ways."

The mom has told her son to ignore the neighbor and "don't stoop down to her level."

"There have been times where she told me that he is a bad kid while he is standing there. He's actually a good kid. He gets A's in school, plays sports, and plays with anybody and everybody," she writes.

Police were called to the otherwise quiet neighborhood after the son "shot at her window" with a BB gun, and he's in trouble. He will have to pay to repair the window. She doesn't have a problem with that.

The officer involved also told the 11-year-old he needs to apologize to the neighbor. But the mother thinks that's not right because she sees him as the victim of the neighbor's bullying.

"I want my son to be the bigger person and apologize. He is in trouble for what he did, but I don't want him to feel like it's okay to be bullied. Any advice would be helpful."

I don't know the neighbor's side of this. There are at least two sides to every story. I think her son needs to apologize. It's a simple thing to do and could head off a situation where the neighbor pursues the case legally to teach the boy a lesson she doesn't think he's learned.

Beyond that, what are your suggestions for this mom?

By LINDA THOMAS

More from Linda Thomas

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Comments (35)


  • Add A Comment

  • Annie (1) wrote...
    What's a mother to do???
    February 19, 2013 7:53 am
    What a ridiculous headline-her son MUST APOLOGIZE-of course & pay to have the window fixed. As others have said-this kind of response is never ok-but neither is bullying.Maybe the headline should have read-"Mother stands by for 2 years while son is bullied by 25 year old neighbor"-where in the world has this mother been-why has she NOT been an advocate for her child?And if she has-why isn't that part of the story? Telling her son to "ignore" the neighbor is fine-if it works-but obviously hasn't in this case.What's the result-her son is bullied for 2 years finally breaks & resorts to totally inappropriate response-but you can kind of understand his frustration right? No one "has his back" so to speak not even the one person he should be able to count on-MOM! The story here-in my mind anyway is the mom--what kind of person -"mother"???? stands by & watches her son be bullied & does nothing?
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  • mnpat wrote...
    Just curious
    February 19, 2013 8:21 am
    Is there a father in the picture? I think mom has issues, and the kid should be in deep trouble for shooting an anyone's window.
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  • TheNewsChick wrote...
    Good question mnpat
    February 19, 2013 8:27 am
    I'll inquire (about his father) and do a quick follow up with her resolution.
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  • Drool wrote...
    He Got Caught.....
    February 19, 2013 8:30 am
    ....this time. The kid will get his revenge in the future. We had neighbors like this and the kids ALWAYS got revenge.
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  • Beaten Down Dead Horse wrote...
    Apologize Now
    February 19, 2013 9:38 am
    I accidently shot neighbors window with BB and he confronted me about it but didn't tell my parents. I didn't know what to say and wasn't mature enough to appologize. I said nothing and never paid for window or talked about it. 35 years later I still wish I would have said sorry and paid. Too late now.
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  • It's me! Ha ha! wrote...
    What would be said about throwing snowballs at cars?
    February 19, 2013 10:01 am
    That was no accident. I had a lot of forested areas where I grew up. I could pelt a car and be gone down one of several trails that went forever. Never got caught. No regrets then. Not that many today!
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  • Chuck Gould wrote...
    HAHA, that's about the same behavior you exhibit here!
    February 19, 2013 11:33 am
    Hide (behind a fake name)

    Throw snowballs (make attack posts)

    And have no regrets. :-)

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  • It's me! Ha ha! wrote...
    If that is the way you feel Chuckie then I am sorry.
    February 19, 2013 12:38 pm
    You must have had a suck butt childhood that has carried on into your adult hood. I made NO REFERENCES to political party or affiliation. Although you did not post any, this must be the reason that you would make such an unhappy post to me. Or maybe just jealous. Whatever dude!

    As for the snowballs? If I could I would do it all over again.

    What say you?

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  • sportsguru wrote...
    It's me! Ha ha!
    February 19, 2013 5:41 pm

    That's ok Ha, Ha. We could have been friends when we were kids, I was the kid that thru eggs at peoples houses and ran so fast all I could hear was the owner yelling don't let me catch your raggedy little azz55 motherf#$%%cker,lol,ha,ha,ha,.

    and Oh, I would ring your doorbell late in the evening and hide in somebody bushes and watch you looking all around wondering who rung your doorbell and were did they go,lol,ha,ha,ha,

    Those were the good old days when it was fun being young and dumb and other than some minor personal property, nobody got hurt, now kids have to worry about kill list, gangs, there nutcase parents, pregnancy and a bunch of other things that keep them from just being kids.

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  • Saltchucker wrote...
    Take the kid to a gun safety class!
    February 19, 2013 11:00 am
    Then supervise him! No 11 year old should be shooting airguns unsupervised in the first place! Backyard BB gun shooting requires a suitable backstop behind the target area and adult supervision to make sure all gun sfety rules are followed! The PARENT in this case should be apologizing to the neighbor for allowing her son out of sight with a BB gun.
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  • ConservativeThinker wrote...
    Ok...
    February 19, 2013 11:36 am
    First - teaching a child to take responsibility for HIS/HER action is a must. No matter what others do to you - It is up to the person - child or adult - how they react. You start teaching when they are babies, and you continue the lessons until you die. You will always have more experience and lessons learned than you children. Second - the fact that the mother is looking for advice - silly. The child has done the wrong. Its the Rule of the second punch... Ever notice that when the first kid hits - they never get in trouble.. its the person that returns the punch. Why - because everyone is now watching. Same here - the mother should have stepped in earlier... The Mother needs lessons in MOTHERING - she should have dealt with this 25 year child - early on. Including involving the police. This mother clearly never thought through the learning lessons that she could teach her son about dealing with people that are difficult. Just my thoughts...
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  • roomtemp wrote...
    It's like Grandpa said...
    February 19, 2013 2:21 pm
    Two wrongs don't make a right...

    The kid should apologize and pay to replace the broken window. As well as a few extra tasks like lawn mowing or weeding. The neighbor lady may be a b-word but that doesn't excuse or justify bad behavior on the kid's part. Mom should have stepped in and talked to the neighbor about the bullying before her kid confirmed the neighbor's thoughts about him.

    I had a similar experience. Only mine was lights and not windows. There was also no vengeance involved. Mom was livid. I had to apologize and buy a case of lights (about 30 more than I destroyed). And then spent the rest of the summer changing any light in the complex that went out. Needless to say, I was a little less cavalier with the bb gun after that. And the manager ended up liking me and gave me odd jobs to do for money after my sentence was complete. So it worked out ok.

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  • gomariners wrote...
    Freak
    February 19, 2013 3:48 pm
    Yes this woman sounds like a freak but like the mother said, don't stoop to her level. Shooting at her house was awful as besides the obvious, now she has the upper hand. No matter what she does she can always fall back on; well at least I didn't shoot at you. My advice; 1. Stay physically as far from her as possible. 2. Keep a log/diary of everything she says, does and the way she behaves. 3. If you are able, videotape your son (kids?) while they play outside if she is around. 4. If and when you do have to talk with her, get a mini tape recorder and tape the conversation. You will want to look up state law to see if you have to tell her you are recording, still record her even if you have to tell her. If you can't record her, try to have an adult witness with you. People can and will lie, video/audio tape is tough to ignore. Do all you can do -on paper- to show/prove that your son is a good kid. Volunteer work, work in Explorers with the Police. I had to do all these things with a psycho landlord. Keep a closer eye on your kid(s) and pets too. Lastly I will suggest getting a bump in your home owners insurance, never know if you're going to need it with this nut. Good luck!
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