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 Linda Thomas
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'Working moms despise themselves'

April 15, 2012 @ 6:19 pm (Updated: 9:45 am - 4/16/12 )

The attacks on moms continue. Stay-at-home moms, working moms, we're apparently all messed up.

Stay-home moms were offended when CNN contributor and Democratic strategist Hilary Rosen said Ann Romney "never worked a day in her life ." She later apologized and tried to clarify her main point that Mitt and Ann Romney are out of touch with the economic realities most families face. Still, the damage was done, and moms felt like their choice to be a stay-at-home mom was viewed as being inferior to those who raise kids and work outside the home.

Now a slam against working moms comes from Fox News contributor Keith Ablow. He wrote a column attacking working women like Hilary Rosen and others who raise kids and hold down a job at the same time. He believes women who hold down a job and raise kids secretly "despise" themselves for not being at home. Here's a part of his column:

"These 'anti-gender' women have it in for anyone who embraces her femininity, maternal instincts and capacity to nurture as their highest priority - postponing or passing up other laudable opportunities to work at, say, a law firm or as a marketing executive. They despise the notion that some women may indeed be drawn, instinctively and happily, toward creating special and loving environments in which to raise their children, while spending all their available time sustaining and enriching those environments and those children.

They despise the parts of themselves that may be drawn to such roles, as well. That’s why women like Hilary Rosen make such outlandish statements, to begin with. They’re essentially talking to themselves, albeit, with the rest of the world forced to listen, trying to reassure themselves that their own choices in life weren’t only equally as good as those of other women, but better. Far, far better. They feel like their choices are better because they have thrown off the shackles of roles that were once expected of them, leaving them not only freer than, but superior to, those women who don’t feel enslaved at home, but feel fulfilled at home."

Ablow appeared on Fox News repeating his theory that "working women despise themselves."

WorkingMomThank you so much media analysts who seek to enflame, rather than inform. I don't despise myself Mr. Ablow, but I'm not fond of men like you who come up with theories about moms - feeling fully qualified to do so because you've changed a few diapers along the way, so you "know what it's like."

I've been both a stay-home mom and a working mom. Both have their benefits and costs. There isn't a mom doing either role who hasn't second-guessed her decision at some point.

The internal dialogue goes something like this:

Working mom have it so easy. They get to spend all day on their own, talking to other adults, eating their lunch without a child hanging off of them. Their kids are going to turn out fine, and their careers aren't going to suffer.

Stay-at-home moms have it made. They get to spend all day with their children, witnessing every milestone as it happens rather than as reported by a nanny or day care provider. They can spend the day in the park, and wear comfy clothes all day.

No mom thinks her choice - assuming she has one, many of us don't feel like we do - is "far, far better." It just is what it is.

By LINDA THOMAS

AP Photo, Italian Member of the European Parliament Licia Ronzulli takes part in a vote as she cradles her baby.

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Comments (55)


  • Add A Comment

  • Forrest wrote...
    Funny how men always have to tell the world how a woman thinks.
    April 16, 2012 7:40 am
    All the posts on this blog are by men as well. Why don't we let women speak for themselves and actually listen to them?
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • hnuh wrote...
    Whellppp... 04-16-2012 'Working moms despise...
    April 16, 2012 7:45 am
    people all the time telling them they're doing wrong by which ever thing they do. If my wife hadn't worked we'd most likely still be "working poor" like the leftist dummies squall about(and don't seem to give a crap about). We wouldn't be taking handouts though, it's a bad thing to teach your kids.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Don of the dead wrote...
    CH
    April 16, 2012 7:53 am
    Stop smoking pot and try to make some sense about anything or head back to the basement. My wife stayed home with a leave for the first year of our kids life, and i stayed home for year two. our kids are fine and we're not poor.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • vanderleun wrote...
    So the real meaning is...
    April 16, 2012 8:15 am
    "It's a mom thing. You wouldn't understand." Yeah, right. Next deep thought...
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • rylewa wrote...
    The big difference here is
    April 16, 2012 8:36 am
    Ms. Rosen is an advisor to the White House. Mr. Ablow is yet another media hack screaming for attention like a 4 year old. One has access to and influence with the President and the other no one has ever heard of before. Trying to draw a parallel here isn't quite fair.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • ron prevost wrote...
    again......................
    April 16, 2012 9:13 am
    which 'side' will Obama be able to rally ? ............ Rosen could even be a set-up.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • ron prevost wrote...
    er..................
    April 16, 2012 9:15 am
    Ablow could even be a set-up.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Citizen of Krazy Town wrote...
    Rosen speaks for Obama, Ablow speaks for
    April 16, 2012 8:52 am
    Ablow
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • C"mon Man wrote...
    Queen Michelle off-limits
    April 16, 2012 8:56 am
    Palin,Bachmann,Ms. Romney,Coulter,Ingraham and Malkin are fair game.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • nwskiergirl wrote...
    Thank you Forrest.....and OMFG!
    April 16, 2012 9:04 am
    Forrest, Thank you for asking. Why is everyone so insecure???? Here is the deal. Some women love being a stay at home mom. Some women love working. Some women love working, raising kids and don't feel guilty for putting their kids in daycare, some do. Some days stay at home moms long to be at the office. Some days working moms long to be at home. Some women have to work multiple jobs they hate and wish they could be with their kids. Some women want their husbands to stay home. Some of those women have days they wished they could stay home and raise the kids. Raising kids is HARD. Being a CEO is HARD. Being a politician's wife is HARD. If you are doing something you do not enjoy, it will be hard. Even when you do what you love for a "living" some days are hard. We were not put on earth to be sloths. That is why there are actually sloths. You are a human, that means you get to "work" or you get to die. Listen EVERYONE, the grass is never greener. If everyone would be happy with what they have and focus on making their lives different if that is their desire then this would be a much happier world. Do not judge others, I don't care if they have tons of money or no money. There are people who are lazy whether they have money or not. There are people who work their butts off as a CEO, mom, dad, garbage man, volunteer, etc. Quit being so insecure, lazy and ungrateful. Look in the mirror and work on yourself instead of telling everyone around you how to live and feel. Life is not fair nor easy so you better just make up your mind to be happy and do the best you can. As a woman I am told to be many things. I am told to be sexy, smart, innocent, CEO, mommy, board member, model, wife, PHD, chef, athlete, driven, feminine, passionate and blonde. We all have to make choices. We cannot be and do all in this world. It is a bummer because I want to do it all. But I have to choose. We all make choices. We all need to learn how to be patient, kind, understanding, empathetic and appreciative. Get over your entitlement issues and start giving instead of being so hung up on getting.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • SONAR GOD wrote...
    Nice Summary
    April 16, 2012 9:15 am
    You got one thing wrong the grass is always greener. Women love nothing more than to tear down other women!
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • SONAR GOD wrote...
    Oh yah
    April 16, 2012 9:25 am
    Men love nothing more than to hear them selves speak. Life is full of choices the only person you have to awnser to is yourself what anybody else has to say is just an opinion and we know about them.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • AKAF wrote...
    Liberal leaning women love to tear down others....
    April 16, 2012 11:22 pm
    While seeking disgust with those that disagree with them. Stay at home mothers, whether rich or modest income, are targets but those that seek employment outside of the home becomes a target by a KIRO newswoman. Both sides disgust me. Let the individual family decide what is the best interest in their family. Some people in the morning news show on KIRO radio needs to understand that instead of trying to defend their position by bringing up a conservative hack while ignoring a DNC and Presidential adviser.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • mnpat wrote...
    nwskiergirl....nice post....very well said!
    April 16, 2012 9:55 am
    As a single parent father I had to make choices as well....I believe I balanced it well, not easy but after 20 years my two children, now a young man and a young woman have graduated college and looking to their own futures with a well earned understanding of you can;t make everyone happy all the time.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • maplefish wrote...
    Touche' Skiergirl
    April 16, 2012 10:34 am
    Women have been declaring their indepence by CHOICE for years. This ridiculous imaginary War on Women has been conjured up by the Obama admin to attract the lazy, clueless idiots who watch mindless TV divel like the Kardashians or Houswives of whatever or Toddlers in Tiarras to their ugly agenda. Women are smart, strong, beautiful and way beyond this kind of Liberal media generated rubbish.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • maplefish wrote...
    Choice by Independence...
    April 16, 2012 10:35 am
    You go girls!
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • gomariners wrote...
    Individuals
    April 16, 2012 9:07 am
    As a single mom for 16 yrs of a 16 yr old daughter of course I had to work, and be the father as best I could and also be the mom... hasn't been easy but there is no way on earth I despise myself for working - I had to and perhaps would have chosen to. Want to work, great. Want to stay home, great. Do what is best for you and yours and stop judging/worrying about what others are doing. I also am a Conservative, got divorced at 6 months pregnant and am an atheist so don't try to pigeon hole me.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • kata wrote...
    more bread and circuses!
    April 16, 2012 9:43 am
    By the by...The men here trying to protect the women from those neanderthal men who want to "leave them barefoot and pregnant" CRACK ME UP. Talk about the soft bigotry of low expectations.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • fartforce1 wrote...
    No matter what, a millionaire mom has no clue what the average mom goes through.
    April 16, 2012 10:07 am
    Working class mothers, with jobs outside of the family have it way way way harder. They cant afford nannies, they actually work to pay for after school activities. Romney is a joke!
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • fartforce1 wrote...
    Not only that, but The News Chick is making me barf!
    April 16, 2012 10:12 am
    Here she is working a JOB, while holding the candle for a woman worth 260 million, thats 260,000,000 in free and clear cash. get your nose out of that area Linda. Truth is this, working moms have it worse than those who get to raise kids without thew stress of employment and daycare. Its much better for the children to be around mother 24/7 and you know it!
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