Everyone has a story. What's yours?
 Linda Thomas
twitter: @TheNewsChick
About Linda
Linda is the morning news anchor and features reporter for KIRO Radio. This is her local news blog, with an emphasis on social media, technology, Northwest companies, education, parenting, and anything else that grabs her attention.

If you have a news tip or story idea, I'd love to hear from you...

To leave a voice message for Linda about any of her stories call toll free 1-855-251-2363

Follow Me on Pinterest


Suicide: The split between self and reality

May 3, 2012 @ 3:44 am (Updated: 4:43 am - 5/4/12 )

Listen to Suicide: The split between self and reality

Junior Seau's apparent suicide stunned sports fans and former teammates who recalled the former NFL star's ferocious tackles and habit of calling everyone around him "Buddy."

SeauIt also left people wondering what led to Seau's death, an apparent suicide at the age of 43.

An autopsy report expected today probably won't give family members the explanation they're looking for.

We all want answers after a suicide.

James Hayes has been a local mental health therapist for 30 years, and he can't count the number of times he's heard things like this:

"I'm looking for something, but I'm not sure what." "I feel like I have been swallowed by an avalanche." "The real me dissolved into thin air. "I don't know how to get back to myself."

His colleague Fredric Matteson, at Contextual Conceptual Therapy, based on Bainbridge Island, has studied 16,000 suicidal patients. Depression and mental illness are not the main triggers for suicide.

"After I started listening to this many people I started to see a through line. It's a commonality or a trend that speaks to every situation that I find, and it wasn't about them having bi-polar or depression," says Matteson.

The "through line" is that suicidal people don't see themselves the way the world sees them.

"They're in this place, inside this avalanche of emotion, and they can't locate themself," he says the suicidal people he's studied have all managed to create a divide in their personality. He calls it a "bifurcated" state.

There's the person everyone else sees, who generally seems normal and might even appear outgoing and happy. Then there's the true self, the one who deals with all the painful feelings of abandonment, depression, and any other extreme negative thoughts. That's the person they hide from the world.

"The best place to hide something is to not be present," says Matteson. "If I'm not here I can't be hurt, but if I'm not here I can't be in love either. I can't be in a relationship. I can't have true success. I can't sustain success. I'm this split place here."

People who are suicidal try to cut themselves off from their emotions. They're really in a "lost place" where they are trying to get out of their pain without understanding where the pain comes from.

Mental health therapist Jason Moran says someone who says they're suicidal is actually closer to a breakthrough than anyone realizes.

"It's not that something's wrong with me, something is trying to be right with me here, and I need to uncover what that is. What is this phenomenon that's keeping them from seeing who they really are?" says Moran. "Once they understand that and can begin to see what you see, the suicidal feelings drop."

The take away from their years of research is this: We need to talk about suicide more, not less. That's the beginning of helping people deal with the disconnect between who they think they are and the person the world sees.

By LINDA THOMAS

AP file photo

More from Linda Thomas

MyNorthwest.com - Purpose of Comments statement
Bonneville Media encourages site users to express their opinions by posting comments. Our goal is to maintain a civil dialogue in which readers feel comfortable. At times, the comments can descend to personal attacks. Please do not engage in such behavior. We encourage your thoughtful comments which: have a positive and constructive tone, are on topic, are respectful toward others and their opinions. Bonneville reserves the right to remove comments which do not conform to these criteria.

Comments (10)


  • Add A Comment

  • pennyws wrote...
    Suicide is Widely Misunderstood
    May 3, 2012 5:57 am
    Most people who commit suicide have seen a healthcare provider or were under a healthcare providers care near the time suicide takes place. My point here is people who do this are not mentally well...at all, and most people who attempt it and are unsuccessful may go on to try it again, become more daring and eventually carry it out successfully. Some, like Junior Seau probably entered what's called, Severe Depression where the episode can sweep you away like a tsunami. I remember the comedian, Richard Jeni went through that and was dead within 70 days after being diagnosed. I guess my point here is when depression goes wrong, it can go horribly wrong and it takes a lot of guts to take your life, no matter who you are. I've dealt with the pain of depression before. It's both physically, emotionally draining to the core. A lot of people brush it off and say you're weak, but it really does consume a person. Remember the person who commits suicide doesn't want to necessarily die, they want the pain to stop.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Heidi from KY wrote...
    Junior Seau
    May 3, 2012 6:27 am
    Linda Just a quick correction - it is bi-polar, which I suffer from and not by polar. I tell people that you are in such pain in your head that no pill can take away. One time I called the hot line, but didn't find them helpful. Next time it happens I will go to the ER. But just remember you can't think of anything else because of the pain you're in.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Chuck Gould wrote...
    Among the 15 largest metropolitan county, King County ranks third for suicides
    May 3, 2012 7:20 am
    A common theory is that our 7-8 months of generally dreary and cold weather each year leads to Seasonally Affected Disorder (S.A.D.), a condition that makes people more susceptible to depression.

    There may be some validity to the S.A.D. theory, but that doesn't address the factors our local suicides have in common with suicides in warm and sunny climates.

    There's a greater sense of isolation and lack of general community in Seattle than in a lot of cities of similar size. If you don't have a circle of closely held friends in this town, you really and truly will be very much alone. Outsiders coming here have described the phenomenon as the "Seattle Freeze." People in general go out of their way to be exceptionally polite, but in Seattle the civility on the surface disguises the fact that most people don't really give a flying figbar about anybody not within their personal circle. Seattle residents tend to operate within a well defined circle of psychological space; and dislike having that safety zone violated.

    Having fewer resources and choices with which to address problems also seems to increase the likelihood of suicide. In King County neighborhoods where more than 20% of the population live below the federal poverty level, 13.8 people per 100,000 commit suicide each year. Residents of King County neighborhoods in which 5- 19% of the residents live below the federal poverty level commit suicide at the rate of 11.1 per 100,000. In neighborhoods where less than 5% live below the federal poverty level, the suicide rate is 9.7 people per 100,000 per year. (2007 statistics)

    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • ssbn629g wrote...
    Despair
    May 3, 2012 7:22 am
    Having dealt with depression since 1990 and somehow was able to find the strength to just keep putting one foot infront of the other until I was able to see some light... Depression is a state of despair...loss of hope.... Without hope, life seems to have no meaning. Regardless of what we HAVE in the material, financial and even family realm, without HOPE, nothing seems relevant or worthwhile. I am doing OK now but I also know to never take mental health for granted.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • MrMoPar426 wrote...
    The difficulty is
    May 3, 2012 9:11 am
    reaching people with depression. Sure, we need to talk about suicide more to try to help people with this disconnect see the person the world sees, not the person they think they are, but it takes someone willing to invest in this effort to help before we can be successful. Most depressed people feel cut off and misunderstood. They feel alone. When friends and aquaintances start falling away from our social circles it takes someone who is willing to reach out with a sustained effort to bring them back. Sadly, it seems the world has far too few willing to do this because we are all so busy with our own lives we are satisfied to accept the public persona presented to us and not get to the point where we learn who the real person underneath is.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Sterling wrote...
    Suicide-the separation from others
    May 3, 2012 9:20 am
    Dr. Matteson's "through line" reminded me strongly of a lliterary image created by James Jones in "From Here To Eternity," where he has Pvt. Prewitt reflecting on feeling like he is wrapped in plastic, he can see and hear everyone but no one can hear him. Anoter charactrer in this dialog, I believe Maureen the prostitute, adds that, for her it's like being in a room of people locked up in a box. Strong images I think. It has been more than 40 years since I read that passage, hadn't thought of it, and it came back so strongly reading the above article.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • boeingmarcus wrote...
    Thank you Linda
    May 3, 2012 10:47 am
    You write many interesting stories. I enjoyed the man tracker series you did, but I have to give you a special thanks for writing about suicide Linda. My sister committed suicide. I've always carried a burden wishing I could have done something for her before it was too late.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • roomtemp wrote...
    Things that help depression. [imho-ymmv]
    May 3, 2012 12:22 pm
    Create something, doesn't much matter what it is. We we're created to be creators and to appreciate creation. It's hardwired.

    Touch nature, take a walk, smell the flowers. Marvel at the design and realize that you are a part of it.

    Find the humour. It's hard to cry when your laughing.

    Help somebody else with their problem. This allows you to feel connected and useful. It also shows you that you aren't the only one with problems, and that they're seldom insurmountable. You may even receive help in return, but never expect it.

    Get your hands dirty, plant something. (I prefer things I can eat but flowers are nice too.) There is a soil bacteria that makes your brain produce natural 'antidepressants' (serotonin). Dirt might be the new prozac.

    Pets. (Except cats, which cause anxiety. -grin)

    Faith... The peace that passes all understanding.

    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • roomtemp wrote...
    P.S.
    May 3, 2012 12:51 pm
    I refuse to get depressed about my machine gun periods (pewpewpew!), malfeasant use of the comma, spastic apostrophes, misspellings, and bad grammar.

    I already tried that and it didn't work.

    My poofreading remains implaccable...

    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Mo Gaud wrote...
    Here it is...
    May 3, 2012 9:50 pm
    The most selfish act that a person can inflict on their loved ones. What is it? Suicide!
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }