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Why adults don't stop child sex abuse

June 17, 2012 @ 6:09 pm (Updated: 9:43 am - 6/18/12 )

Listen to Why adults don't stop child sex abuse

Jerry Sandusky's trial enters its fifth day Monday. Sandusky denies all the sexual abuse charges against him, saying that while he showered with boys, he never touched them sexually.

Sandusky's defense attorneys will raise doubts - why didn't the boys who claim they were sexually abused say anything until now? They contend the "accusers" are twisting the truth because they intend to sue. Why didn't people close to Sandusky stop him if they thought children were being molested?

So far eight young men described how the former Penn State assistant coach molested them in campus showers, hotel bathrooms, a basement bedroom, and a sauna used by the football team. There were several people who could have said something to stop the alleged sexual abuse:

A janitor failed to tell authorities he allegedly caught Sandusky performing oral sex on a boy in a campus shower a dozen years ago.

A district attorney, with a reputation for prosecuting cases involving children and sexual abuse victims, declined to charge Sandusky over a 1998 molestation allegation even though the detective who investigated thought it was a solid case. The DA, Ray Gricar, disappeared in 2005 and was declared legally dead last year.

One accuser testified he screamed out for help at least once when Sandusky's wife, Dottie, was in the house. He doesn't know whether she heard his cries.

Coaching assistant Mike McQueary saw Sandusky having what he believed to be anal sex with a young boy in 2001. But his report to Athletic Director Tim Curley and Vice President Gary Schultz went nowhere.

School officials were skeptical of abuse claims brought by the young man known in court papers as Victim 1 because Sandusky was considered to have a "heart of gold." Victim 1's allegations eventually triggered the state investigation that produced charges.

SanduskyIt's easy to listen to evidence in the case and think people who knew something, or suspected something, should have done more to stop it.

But experts who counsel abuse victims say it is common for adults to ignore signs of sexual abuse.

"There isn't a picture that any of us can come up with around a child being sexually abused that is anything we want to look at. We don't want to think about it, we don't want to know that it happens," says Janice Palm, executive director of Shepherd's Counseling Services.

"The statistics are very consistent. One in four girls, one in six boys are sexually abused before they're 18. That means 20 percent of the population."

Shepherd's, in Seattle, is one of the few centers in the U.S. that specializes in treating adults who were sexually abused as children.

Another question that has been raised in the Sandusky trial by defense attorneys is, why didn't the alleged victims say something to another adult about the abuse? Palm says it is ridiculous for adults to assume a child would speak up.

"Children don't speak up because they don't have power and they're also traumatized and we know what happens to human brains in trauma. They shut down," she says. "If you're a child and something really, really confusing that feels really bad and shameful, you don't have words to talk about it. You don't have a process to talk about it."

Young victims also believe they are to blame for the sexual abuse.

"Children are ego-centric, so in child logic if something bad happens to me and I feel bad, that means I am bad and it also means it's my fault. I did something to make that happen. Children are not going to talk about that," says Palm.

When a child is sexually abused by an adult, two types of trust are "shattered," she says. The children grow up unable to trust adults, and sadly they are unable to trust themselves. They tend to be very unsure of themselves as adults.

"If you grow up in a safe enough environment, you take a lot for granted about how we interact with the world. There is no 'normal environment' when a child is sexually abused," Palm says. "They're on their own. They have to figure out how to cope."

Palm says adults who were abused as children often don't seek counseling until they've struggled with relationships that don't work. They find themselves in a pattern of failed relationships with partners who "can't deal with this anymore."

She says some of her oldest clients waited until they were in their 70s to seek help. One thing abuse victims have in common, regardless of their age, is suppressed anger.

"Human beings are supposed to be angry when they're violated. That's a protective instinct. That doesn't happen when children are sexually abused. They're scared, they're traumatized and they're also in this web of manipulation that is very, very, very confusing," Palm says. "Their immediate instinct is not to be angry at the time, but the anger doesn't go away. It comes out in inappropriate ways."

Part two of this series continues Tuesday. Two adults will share their painful stories of sexual abuse, with the hope that it will help others who were abused as children.

By LINDA THOMAS

AP contributed to this report, AP photo by Nabil K. Mark

More from Linda Thomas

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Comments (14)


  • Add A Comment

  • honus w wrote...
    So sad.
    June 17, 2012 8:41 pm
    Why Mike Mcqueary didn't put an immediate end to what was happening baffles me. How noboby at Penn state, from the AD to Paterno, didn't contact the police is also very confusing and sad. I can't imagine the guilt Mcqueary must feel when facing the young man in the courtroom, knowing what he endured after the event he witnessed.
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  • Hectic wrote...
    The kid was never found
    June 18, 2012 5:38 am
    That kid was never identified, and won't be in the court room. But I agree, I can't believe he just walked away and didn't stop it; I would have pummeled Sandusky and taken the kid straight to the police station to file charges against the pervert.
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  • soo purletiv wrote...
    What would I do
    June 17, 2012 10:16 pm
    I have never been confronted with this issue personally. But I have seen the victims. Family, friends..... acquaintances. Not one of them is without trust issues. Some have serious anger as well as other mental and emotional issues. A few victims whom I have had dealings with in my life, have became predators themselves.

    It is one of those lose lose situations.

    My wife and I take the issue very seriously. We have had many heart to hearts with each other, our children as well as with our nephews and nieces.

    There have been a lot of false accusations of child molestation, no doubt. That however, does not excuse ignoring or brushing aside claims made by children of such behavior.

    Discernment is the key, although difficult. Just because some have lied does not by default assume all have lied. That would be the easy road, yes. But, easy for who? Not the heart and mind of a real victim.

    We have an unwritten yet heavily verbalised rule in our family. Every accusation is believed and "investigated" until otherwise proven wrong. I don't care if it is my father, brothers or in laws who are accused. They know they can come to me and trust that I will handle it in an appropriate way.

    It is so important for children to trust that their parents will do the right thing. Their mental and emotional health are so important. What happens while in their youth has a profound affect on their entire lives.

    Child abuse of all types is so rampant these days. I don't need numbers and figures with percentages to dictate to me how serious it is. 1 child is too many in my book. I guarantee more than 1 child is being abused as we post here!

    These kids, now adults, in this account have every reason to be angry. The evidence is overwhelming that Sandusky molested and had his way with these children with little resistance for years. The janitor as well as Mcqueary have no excuse for doing little to nothing to stop and protect these children. Not sure of Mcqueary's level of involvement (post watching Sandusky rape the boy in the shower). He seems to have changed his story as criticism mounted. Or maybe the media did a bad job of reporting the "whole" story to begin with (imagine that)!

    Either way, there is no way I go to my father at 20 something years old and ask him what he thinks I should do. I would be knocking down Joe (do the right thing always) Paterno's as well as the AD and President's door until they did something. If they failed to act in a timely manner, I would be at the police station myself.

    I may not have been in this circumstance, but I have been in other equally serious situations where action needed to be taken and no one would do anything. Once where my life was threatened and once where others were threatened.

    Maybe it is a personality thing. But that is what I would do......

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  • ron prevost wrote...
    He wouldn't ? He couldn't ? That's not possible ?
    June 18, 2012 4:51 am
    Your typical pedophile is NOT the boggieman - the weird old guy roaming the streets. Nor even your recluse neighbor.

    He IS the guy who for all appearances is an asset to the community - especially helping kids. As such, we DON'T WANT to believe such a person is capable of such sins. Even if we actually SEE it, our first reaction might be that we are not seeing things right.

    SO - if the guy is well enough respected - we might actually give a pass the first couple of times. OR MAYBE, just pass the problem on down the road. That's what unfortunately happened in the Catholic Church (although THEY, at least, are working to prevent future abuses). That is also what likely would have happened at Penn State, had McQueary been more believed and/or reported higher up. Sandusky might have just 'found a new coaching position' somewhere else.

    But there is reluctance EVERYWHERE to deal with these jerks. Ask what YOU would do if you found your brother 'wrassling' with a kid? Evey YOUR kid, the first reaction would be to simply get him avay - to avoid - NOT to have him arrested.

    Pedophiles go where the kids are. They make themselves look so good that no one believes. and they do it again, and again, and again, and again.

    And we wonder why the victims hold their tongues ?

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  • Moondoggie wrote...
    ron prevost
    June 18, 2012 8:30 am
    Well said. I got sick of listening to most of the Hosts on KIRO rant and rave about how THEY would have stepped in immediately. You are dead on in your explanation of what people do when faced with these situations. Thanks for this story Linda.
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  • Pete in Seattle wrote...
    Adults view vs child's view
    June 18, 2012 9:45 am
    At what point would a child know he has been violated and is supposed to be traumatized? When does a child know an adult has gone too far? If a parent has not already counseled a child about sex, the child's curiosity may well outweigh the trauma most adults assume the child should feel. "Assume" is the key word, because their own views on sex are colored by their own experiences. As a society we have severe problems when it comes to sex education, punishing teachers who answer honest questions. The apocryphal talk between Father and Son or between Mother and Daughter is part of the mythology. Most often it is something that starts because the boy is obviously aroused and it feels good, or the girl has a first period, somewhat earlier than the mother expects it, and feels shameful because of the blood. What happens if the first person to deal with the youngster is NOT the parent? What if the parents religious views effectively deny sex exists? None of this is meant to condone what may have happened, nor to condone adults taking advantage of the situation, but at the same time maybe we need to re-evaluate what children should or should not feel about it.
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  • jcalexander wrote...
    Pete in Seattle
    June 18, 2012 4:52 pm
    Your fellow members of NAMBLA must be proud of you.
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  • 0623 wrote...
    "Why didn't the victims speak up?
    June 18, 2012 10:42 am
    "Children are ego-centric, so in child logic if something bad happens to me and I feel bad, that means I am bad and it also means it's my fault. I did something to make that happen. Children are not going to talk about that," says Palm. This will seem minor in the context of this dreadful story. but the same is true of victims of playground bullying. The pain and anger last throughout life even though the victim comes to know the original perception (of "badness") isn't valid.
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  • kata wrote...
    why?
    June 18, 2012 11:06 am
    Very few people are ready to meet such a gaping wound in their conceived reality head on.

    I had intended to write my own account here but I find I don't have the stomach to spill my personal life on a blog entry. Let me just say this - all the sex ed in the world won't help an 11 yr old kid if no one is paying attention.

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  • myopinion wrote...
    OO623
    June 18, 2012 3:11 pm
    You are kidding right, children are not EGO CENTRIC that is reserved for adults. Children only want to please adults, and for the most part are intimidated by adults who are abusing them. The adult says if you tell I will hurt you kind of thing. You can't confuse the two, it is EGO CENTRIC of you to think that.
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  • tuleman003 wrote...
    The answer to this question is easy.
    June 18, 2012 3:55 pm
    For the last 30 years or so, we have been taught that if are not tolerant of unnatural sexual behavior, we are the "offenders". Just because someone can't handle the fact that sex is to be enjoyed by two (one man and one woman) consenting adults, doesn't mean we should accept it.
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