TOM TANGNEY

‘After Earth’ is the worst movie of the year so far

May 31, 2013, 6:15 AM | Updated: Jul 16, 2013, 12:02 pm

Welcome to the worst movie of the year so far: “After Earth.”

It’s being billed as another Will Smith sci-fi summer blockbuster but it’s really more a vanity project for his son, Jaden, who it turns out is not good at all. I couldn’t’ help but hear Jada Pinkett Smith talking her husband into making this movie for their son when I heard this line: “You have a son you do not know. He’s reaching for you and he does not need a commanding officer, he needs a father. So go make some good memories together.”

They may have made good memories together but what they didn’t do was make a good movie. That may stem in part from who came up with the lame story – none other than Will Smith.

The poorly thought-out premise is that mankind had to leave Planet Earth in 2071 and now a thousand years later, a heroic Commander out for spin through the galaxies with his troubled teenage son crash-lands on … where else? Earth.

“Son we are the first humans to set foot on this planet in over 1,000 years. Everything has evolved to kill humans.”

Odd that everything there has evolved to kill a species that hasn’t been there for a thousand years. That’s a pretty inefficient evolutionary pattern, if you ask me.

So how has the Earth changed in all that time? Not that much, apparently because it looks a lot like the old Earth, with mountains and rivers and forests and jungles. And it’s peopled with lots of things that look like tigers and baboons and eagles. They’re giant eagles, granted, but eagles all the same.

Now I suppose I can imagine an entertaining enough movie of Will Smith fighting off giant creatures and making those trademark quips of his along the way. But to call “After Earth” a Will Smith vehicle would be wildly misleading. He’s barely in the movie. He conveniently gets hurt in the crash landing early on, so it’s his son who has to do all the adventuring.

The movie consists mostly of a stationary, injured Will Smith groggily giving directions to his son to find a beacon and in the process, prove himself a man.

This is director M. Night Shyamalan’s umpteenth attempt to resurrect his career since his breakout hit, “The Sixth Sense.”

“After Earth” was seen by many as his ticket back to the big time. Instead it may bury his career once and for all … under Earth.

Tom Tangney

Belfast...

Tom Tangney

Kenneth Branagh’s ‘Belfast’ is a crowd-pleaser that doesn’t quite hit the mark

"Belfast" has plenty to recommend itself but it's not nearly the moving testament to fraught times that Kenneth Branagh thinks it is or wants it to be.

2 years ago

Eternals, Marvel...

Tom Tangney

‘Eternals’ has to do a lot of heavy lifting for a single film

Imagine the daunting task Marvel sets for itself in "Eternals." It has to introduce 10 new superheroes, not to mention an entirely new cosmology.

3 years ago

French Dispatch...

Tom Tangney

‘The French Dispatch’ is unmistakably Andersonian

Wes Anderson is an acquired taste. But luckily, after 10 full-length movies, most critics and many movie-goers have acquired it.

3 years ago

Dune...

Tom Tangney

All set-up and no payoff: ‘Dune’ is world’s longest and most expensive trailer

It's hard to find the right metaphor for the new "Dune" movie. Whatever comparison you choose, it must reflect a sense of incompletion.

3 years ago

Last Duel...

Tom Tangney

Poor Marguerite’s story saves ‘The Last Duel’

Tom Tangney says, ultimately, The Last Duel is a proto-feminist take on the Middle Ages with Marguerite's take that brings the film into focus.

3 years ago

James Bond...

Tom Tangney

Daniel Craig’s final James Bond movie comes full-circle

The 25th installment in the James Bond movie franchise may be titled "No Time to Die," but "Too Much Time to Die" may be more fitting.

3 years ago

‘After Earth’ is the worst movie of the year so far