Is it better to forgive and forget?on November 29, 2012 @ 2:20 pm (Updated: 4:41 pm - 11/29/12 )
Emily Yoffe, the writer behind the advice column Dear Prudence, wrote a thoughtful response to a woman who asked Prudie if she should forgive her ex-husband and her sister, who had an affair and started a family together.
The woman wrote that her husband confessed to the affair with her sister, and they both moved to a new city to start over. A short time later, her sister called to say she was pregnant and the woman's husband divorced her, left her with a mortgage and debt, and married her sister. Five years later, the woman's parents are asking her to forgive and forget so that they can be a family again.
"After five years, is it time for me to get over it and try to force myself to at least tolerate their company?" asked the anonymous advice-seeker.
The official Dori Monson Show advice round table was convened. But alas, they couldn't come to any real conclusion.
"I think forgiveness, as people who talk about this for a living will say, you forgive for yourself. Not to excuse what happened, but for her own well-being", said news anchor Maura Gallucci.
Dori is a little hesitant to forgive at all, since the man left his wife with a hefty mortgage in a new city. But he understands the parents' "gentle" request to attempt a reconciliation.
"I cannot imagine how heart-breaking it would be, as a parent, if two of your kids despised each other so much they could never be together," says Dori. "Because nothing is more important than family get-togethers."
For her own sanity, however, Dori suggests that this woman try to put the situation in the past.
Producer Jake said that the woman should not forgive any members of her family because the betrayal was so widespread. Jake even suggested that the woman take revenge by seducing her ex-husband.
"I just can't get past the idea that - I know it's been five years and it's important to move on," says Jake," but I don't understand how her parents can ask her to be the bigger person here. Not only was she betrayed by her husband, but also her sister. So now she doesn't even have them to fall back on after this horrible thing happened to her. Now her whole family is embracing this new child, and this husband who's a pretty big jerk."
The situation boils down to one question: is it always better to forgive and forget?
"It's an impossible situation for this poor woman," says Jake.
Dori wants you to weigh in: should this woman move on and forgive her ex-husband for cheating, her sister for seducing her husband, and her parents for accepting the cheating couple and their daughter?
Bonneville Media encourages site users to express their opinions by posting comments. Our goal is to maintain a civil dialogue in which readers feel comfortable. At times, the comments can descend to personal attacks. Please do not engage in such behavior. We encourage your thoughtful comments which: have a positive and constructive tone, are on topic, are respectful toward others and their opinions. Bonneville reserves the right to remove comments which do not conform to these criteria.