This weekend was a frustrating one for KIRO Radio's Dori Monson.
Picture this: Dori standing perfectly still clenching a baseball bat over a burning flare shoved into his backyard lawn.
He was trying to kill moles, of course.
Dori has declared a war on moles, and at least right now, it sounds like the moles may be winning.
A method Dori has heard works pretty well is the scissor trap method. Too bad he says an initiative approved by voters a few years ago made that means of getting rid of moles illegal in Washington.
"I want the people who pushed for the initiative that kept us from trapping moles, I want a mole to rise up and eat their toes off," says Dori.
So this weekend he decided it was time to smoke the moles out. In the past, he's had success either forcing water or smoke into the mole holes and waiting with a bat at the ready to smash them when they surface.
"I stood silently, baseball bat in hand just waiting, hoping, praying I'm going to see the ground start to move, the dirt start to get pushed up, so I can bash its head in, because I don't know if I've ever hated a creature as much as I hate these moles."
He also tried poison. On Saturday, he put poison into the holes, but new mole hills appeared on Sunday. He says he's not a big fan of the poison method anyway.
"The reason I don't like the poison is they just crawl through their tunnel poisoned, but you never find them. You don't have the satisfaction that some people have told me you get with the illegal scissor traps and seeing that X where his eyes used to be."
The problem is getting serious. Dori says he's even considering getting a feral cat from the county.
"King County has a feral cat program and if you will just provide a barn or a garage or covered deck, they don't come in the house at all. All you have to do is provide them food and shelter and apparently they'll roam around the yard just killing moles."
He says his family often plays in the yard and someone running into one of those mole hills is a broken ankle waiting to happen.
"I'd like to catch a mole live and break all of its ankles," says Dori, who really wants to win this war.
He called out to his show listeners on Monday to join him in the fight. "Will you join me in my war on the moles? Will you join me being in a soldier in the most righteous cause imaginable?"
Several of you pledged your allegiance and offered suggestions. Here are a few of your ideas:
Listener Rick suggests the Rodenator:
Katie in Bellevue suggests Juicy Fruit:
"Juicy Fruit gum is supposed to kill moles. Mint gum won't work as the smell of mint repels rodents. Supposedly, consumed gum causes a blockage in the mole's intestines, resulting in death," Katie writes. "I had a few moles in my yard this spring. One pack of Juicy Fruit gum placed unwrapped into the burrows, and they are gone."
Listener Bill suggests the Molecat: