Finally, Old White Guys Have Our Day

Much of yesterday’s show was spent debating how important it is to vote. In theory everyone should vote but have you talked to people lately? Yikes! Here’s my idea. Take 1,000 people in every local election and ask them to read the Voter’s Guide. The first person who can successfully summarize every initiative and size up the qualifications and stances of the candidates gets to decide everything. Hopefully he/she will be a nice person and a benevolent dictator but at least we won’t be in despair that dummies control our fate.

As many of you know, I was convicted of 38 felonies and am not allowed to vote. Disenfranchised is the fancy term, but it’s only for voting. With $4,800 and a dream I can still own a Quizno’s. What’s odd is that after I got out of prison King County found me and sent me a new voter ID. The FBI probably forgot to tell them I was a danger to democracy. So until I moved to Austin I voted like a madman. On arriving in Texas someone must have leaked the fact that I was a felon because I can’t get a voter ID, library card, or even a frequent diner card at Port O’Subs. Travis County officials did, however, give me several guns, concealed and open carry permits, plus a tasty buttermilk ranch dressing recipe as Texas law requires.

While Luke failed to participate in the democratic process yesterday, he successfully carried out Phase Two of our Catroll Cabal’s “Holiday Magic” plan. We all felt the thrill when Dave Ross and Michael Medved serenaded Andrew with a chorus of melodious meows. I know you’re all anxious to see what our “click clique” has planned next for the Cuyahoga Clam. Patience, my pets. Patience.

My “government” is Mike Frizzell. Friend me on Facebook where for some reason I’m totally surprised old white folks carried midterm elections. Follow me @drewmcfrizz on Twitter. Check out the Takedown Podcast Facebook page where dummies attack dummies on the regular.