Are we ready America?July 27, 2012 @ 8:20 am (Updated: 10:15 am - 7/27/12 )
Are you ready for the Summer Olympics? (AP Photo)
I think it's to our credit that it took an American to get cynical Londoners enthusiastic about their Olympics again.
"I hear there's a guy called Mitt Romney, he wants to know whether we're ready? Are we ready?" London Mayor Boris Johnson said to cheers from a crowd in Hyde Park.
Yes, London is ready and I'm ready too. Ready for two weeks of athletic performances that will amaze all of us and inspire all of us, and ultimately remind all of us how hopelessly inferior we are.
This is the specialty of the Summer Olympics.
With the Winter Olympics, the athletes are mostly bundled up and a lot of the sports involve coasting downhill.
The Summer Olympics are about nearly naked bodies in tests of endurance and fine motor coordination which leave the rest of us realizing that we come from the shallow end of the gene pool.
Even for people who think they're in great shape --
this is a cruel reality check. You feel as if you have to
amp up your workout just to be worthy of watching.
The Summer athletes are like visitors from the Andromeda Galaxy who could shut down the power grid if they wanted to, but instead they just shame us. Like the archer from South Korea who broke an Olympic record in the first round of the archery competition despite being legally blind in his left eye.
Which brings up another thing: They all have inspiring back stories that make the rest of us feel like hopeless slackers.
They sing. They dance, have black belts. They're gorgeous. They overcame adversity. It just makes you want to paint over your bathroom mirror.
Just the same, being a patriot, I hope we win the usual boatload of medals. Maybe it will persuade the world that the reason we're so heavy is all the gold around our necks.
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