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This is what happens when you have the wrong kind of ears

(File, Associated Press)

I have always been kind of a geek. For example, I have seven working computers, some dating back 20 years. I have three smartphones and two talking speakers.

Is anyone surprised there are millions of fake Twitter accounts?

So I obviously embrace technology.

But, unfortunately, I have the wrong kind of ears. They hear just fine. What they refuse to do is accept earbuds. Which is bad for someone who needs to listen to the news all the time.

I’m not claiming a disability. I’m not asking for a special parking space. I just want to know why.

I see all these energetic young people dancing down the street, nodding to their music, skipping, skateboarding, biking, break dancing, doing cartwheels — their earbuds are like suction cups.

What’s their secret?

I’m on the elliptical, trying to listen to a White House news briefing – very little head motion involved in that – I’ve burned maybe five calories and the right ear just spits the earbud out. So it’s dangling over my chest, and the left ear says, “Well I’m not doin’ all the work,” and pretty soon the whole gym is wondering who’s the guy trying to listen to a news conference with his nipples?

Now I just use my winter ear warmers to keep the earbuds in. And everybody is left wondering who’s the idiot wearing ear warmers on the elliptical.

So I just wanted to explain that yes, it’s me. Doing whatever it takes to understand what is going on, whether my ears want to or not.

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