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The flu hits Wall Street

The Dow Jones industrial average plunged more than 1,100 points Monday as stocks took their worst loss in six and a half years. (AP Photo/Richard Drew)

When the market sneezes and Wall Street gets the flu, Americans flip to the business channels.

“How do you explain this to the average viewer?”

You don’t! The thing about financial advice is that it’s always 24 hours too late to do anybody any good. And what’s with the scary music, CBNC?

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When there’s a market crisis, I’d want my news from someone who remains calm.

Que the classical music.

“Alexa, how many points did the DOW drop today?”

“The Dow Jones fell more than 1,100 points. It’s the worst point-loss the Dow has ever sustained.”

“What should I do about that?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Can you put Jeff Bezos on the line?”

“I couldn’t find that device or contact name.”

Bezos is probably in seclusion considering he lost $3.5 billion on Monday. Thank your lucky stars you’re not him! Instead of filling the bathtub with one-hundred-dollar bills, he has to fill it with fifty-dollar bills.

And be glad you avoided Bitcoin. In my own case, by simply not buying that one Bitcoin I was considering last December when it was $19,000, I am about $12,000 richer than I would have been.

Best investment I ever avoided.

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