Some of John’s favorite New Year’s resolutions he’s made over the years:
Whenever I get into an elevator, always take time to introduce myself to everyone in the elevator no matter how many people are in the elevator.
“My kids hated that one. We would push the buttons and my kids were like ‘oh my gosh dad, please don’t let anyone be in the elevator’ because not only would I introduce myself to everyone in the elevator, I’d also introduce everyone to my kids. I found it was a good tension breaker.”
For 2013, it was order the soup of the day, regardless of what the soup of the day was. Don’t even ask, just get it.
“When the waitress would tell me there were two different soups, I would say, ‘Bring me whichever one you think I deserve.’ I drank more bad soup this year, but I was able to keep that resolution.”
No longer recognize Hawaii as the 50th state.
“I came up with that one back in 2004. I recommend that one to everybody. It’s easy to do. It’s fun, especially when you go to Hawaii and buy something. You can hold out a bunch of U.S. currency and say ‘Excuse me, do you take this here?'”
Don’t lean on public counters, like when you go to the airport.
“Stand straight and don’t put your hands on it.”
Don’t write your name.
“I think it was 1998 or 99 I went the entire year of trying not to write my name. I made it all the way to April.”
And this year?
Well this year’s resolution comes from Jerry Lewis, who confirmed in an interview with John that he in fact, did make a resolution to never wear the same pair of socks twice.
“Heey lady, it’s true,” Lewis told Curley.
“So this year, 2014, I made the New Year’s resolution to no longer wear the same pair of socks twice, in honor of Jerry Lewis, who is a genius in France. I found them at 43 cents a pair. I got myself the entire year’s supply at $156.”
John says he’ll put them in a bag every night and at the end of the year he’ll take them out to the backyard, pour apple vinegar on them, and light them on fire. Or maybe he’ll give them to an orphanage or let the kids turn them into hand puppets.
If you see John around town, ask to see his brightly-colored women’s socks he bought on deep discount.