No one wants to host the Oscars; here are some suggestions for the Academy

Year after year, those brave enough to host the Academy Awards are taken out to slaughter the day after. If they’re lucky, they’ll survive to host another year.

It’s a perilous job that has seemed less and less coveted in recent years. While the audience may be full of Hollywood’s elite (possibly the stuffiest folks to call Beverly Hills home) their polite laughter is nothing compared to the TV critics. With tweets and bloggers to boot, a host need only wait a split second before their first critiques are released worldwide.

And even if the host is funny, those critics don’t seem to be very nice.

The 2013 Oscar host, Seth MacFarlane, was asked to host the show a second time. He told producers, and then broadcasted over Twitter, that he was too busy to host the show for a second year.

Sure, Seth. You’re “too busy.” It sounded like an excuse to KIRO Radio’s John Curley.

With no one clambering to MC the biggest awards show of the year, here are three suggestions on how to make the show work.

Bring back the hosts of yesteryear.
What about Whoopie Goldberg? Or Billy Crystal. KIRO Radio’s Andrew Walsh said either of those will do because “I don’t care about the Academy Awards, and that way I won’t have to talk about it the next day.”

It sounds like a somewhat selfish reason on Andrew’s part, but it seems Academy Awards hosts don’t get their due until years after they’ve taken the cursed stage. While hosting pros Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin seemed to be fine in 2010, they didn’t get a lot of praise either. The option of a seasoned veteran host will surely make the show so tame and predictable, the cruelest things the critics will have to say was “that was tame and predictable.”

Tina Fey.
The LA Times said it’s time to give Tina Fey a call. Both Andrew and John praised the comedy of Fey and co-host Amy Poehler at the awards. But the “30 Rock” creator allegedly said she wouldn’t be interested in hosting if, for no other reason, not having to try on so many “humiliating” on-stage get-ups again.

Yakov Smirnoff
“Soviet Russia, awards Academy you!” shouted Andrew. “That was a bad joke.”

Make it so bad it’s good.
Producer Nick Jarin thought next year’s host could be the cast of the sixth “Fast and Furious” movie. “Have them say awkward things that they read off of cue cards that they haven’t read before – it’d be great,” declared Nick.

Andrew thinks it kind of sounds like the worst, longest possible Saturday Night Monologue.

But John believed that suggestion could transcend bad to good.

The Oscars, hosted by John Curley & Andrew Walsh.
Let’s cut to the chase. Andrew and John are already paired up on KIRO Radio. “Are they ready for our brand of edgy political commentary,” asks Andrew.