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 Linda Thomas
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Facebook leads us to sin

November 18, 2010 @ 3:25 am (Updated: 3:46 pm - 3/28/11 )

Thou shalt not use Facebook.

Of course that is not one of the 10 Commandments, but a New Jersey pastor says the social media network might be responsible for leading couples to break a couple of the Christian Commandments - thou shalt not commit adultery and though shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.

The Reverend Cedric Miller tells the Associated Press 20 couples among the 1,100 members Living Word Christian Fellowship have run into marital trouble in the past six months after a spouse connected with an ex-flame on Facebook.

Cedric"I've been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half. What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups," he says. "The temptation is just too great."

The AP says he has ordered about 50 married church officials to delete their accounts with the social-networking site or resign from their leadership positions.

Miller is married and has a Facebook account that he uses to keep in touch with six children, but he will heed his own advice and cancel his account this weekend.

His interview with the AP on this was just a warm up for Sunday. He's preparing a sermon to "strongly suggest" that all married people stop using Facebook, lest they endanger their marriage.

"I won't mandate it for the entire congregation, but I hope people will follow my advice," Miller says.

A Seattle-area couple might agree with his suggestion. Earlier this year I wrote a story about a local couple who believes Facebook is the biggest threat to marriage in 2010.

Anyone who's spent even a few minutes on the social media site knows it's very easy to reconnect with old high school sweethearts and past flings. That's what Kelli and Jason Krafsky found out first hand.

"I came across some old high school flames, one in particular, that really all of a sudden started to spark some uneasy feelings within Jason," Kelli says.

"And not really even understanding why," her husband Jason continues. "I felt jealousy for the first time."

After that experience, they both examined what they could gain from being in touch with people they were intimate with in the past. Their answer? Nothing. Now they advise other couples to ignore friend requests from past loves, and don't go looking for them.

With a "Dear Abby meets Facebook style," the Krafskys answer 120 questions about protecting your marriage from social media troubles in their book Facebook and Your Marriage.

"Couples today just don't seem to have the boundaries with themselves that our parents' generation had with one another," Kelli says.

More from Linda Thomas

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Comments (18)


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  • snikkers wrote...
    because of FB?
    November 18, 2010 5:39 am
    "I've been in extended counseling with couples with marital problems because of Facebook for the last year and a half. What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups," he says. "The temptation is just too great." You, my dear Pastor, have been in extended counseling with couples because they are faithful to marital vows. You of all people should be the one helping them see that they own the problem. Giving them an excuse, i.e. Facebook, is shameful.
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  • snikkers wrote...
    correction
    November 18, 2010 5:40 am
    Faithful should have read "unfaithful". I type faster than I read, apparently.
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  • kellithemom wrote...
    from Facebook and Your Marriage co-authors
    November 18, 2010 5:48 am
    Thanks Linda! We are in the midst of posting an article on this as well. While Jason and I understand how this pastor may be overwhelmed and frustrated by the "surge" of Facebook-related issues he's counseled, doing a broad sweeping ban for leaders in the congregation seems more like a knee-jerk reaction. Telling people they can't have a Facebook (or serve in leadership) doesn't help them learn how to use social networks responsibly. If a couple has had infidelity, then yeah, jumping off Facebook makes sense. But for the most part, Social networks are not going to go away...so how does banning one help couples? Why not teach them how to find balance with technology and their relationships, set guard rails for their marriage, and use common sense in this social media age?
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  • hdcase wrote...
    Removing a Hangnail with an Axe
    November 18, 2010 7:34 am
    The problem here isn't facebook. The individuals involved here were already unsatisfied with their marriages or they wouldn't have been swayed. These same people should be careful about what social interaction they allow themselves whether online or in person. My counsel would be that those who are struggling with their marriages would be best served by avoiding facebook. But truthfully, they should have sought counsel regarding their issues long ago. To say Facebook is a temptation for everyone is inaccurate. It's ok for the pastor to discontinue his own use of facebook out of his own convictions, but to ban it for others oversteps his authority. He is not a king over his flock. He is a pastor. Pastors are Elders and Elders are exorted in the Bible to lead as examples, not as Lords. 1 Peter 5:1-4
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  • OneMoreVoice wrote...
    Oh come on!
    November 18, 2010 8:09 am
    If a couple is having issues then they're having issues but blaming Facebook is coping out. There are worst sites out there including porn sites that effect relationships but again there are other problems that are the underlying problem.
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  • Chuck Gould wrote...
    There's a tavern in my neighborhood,
    November 18, 2010 8:14 am
    but that doesn't mean I am compelled to be a drunk, or that if I become an alcoholic it's the fault of the tavern.

    People who can't handle Facebook responsibly should avoid it.

    I got off Facebook recently because I was suddenly receiving nude photos from strange women. All showing up as Facebook messages. Enough of that nonsense; if the princes of soft porn (I do not believe the photos were sent by any women actually trying to get my attention) can worm into my life through Facebook, folks with more sinister motives could do so as well.

    We are likely to wake up some day and realize the Facebook is the Island of Lost Boys, (Pinnochio reference). We think we're being entertained with cigars and sweets, but the hosts have a far more sinister agenda.

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  • Get Real wrote...
    Facebook just another symptom of today's lacking values
    November 18, 2010 8:34 am
    My point is that it doesn't matter what is the medium, if couples have been taught a strong foundation of commitment, then they don't go looking for these type of destructive electronic connections. Furthermore, why do you think the kids in today's world are less respectful etc., they only emulate what they see...............in general I think there is way to many social electronic distractions out there like facebook to tempt some who would otherwise not have an avenue!!!
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  • It's me! Ha ha! wrote...
    Facebook leads us to sin
    November 18, 2010 8:55 am
    Sin is everywhere and not just FB!

    It is up to us to be smart enough to recognize it and try to avoid it, which is not always so easy, or ask for spiritual help to get ourselfs out of it.

    Did no one commit Sin before Face Book was invented? Magazines with pics of naked woman were around LONG before Face Book!

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  • len98531 wrote...
    If your marrage can't survive a Facebook episode
    November 18, 2010 8:57 am
    then you do NOT belong together. For your sanity, break up now!
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  • It's me! Ha ha! wrote...
    People who can't handle Facebook responsibly should avoid it.
    November 18, 2010 9:08 am
    Whoa there old buddy! Slow up!

    Come on, Chuck! You are suggesting personal respocibility here. Who is taught that any more today?

    Why would personal respocibility or accoutability be expected when the "If it feels good do it" generation is in charge?

    Kids and young adults have no sense of shame anymore. No appreciation of the fact that what you do today may be there to haunt you years later!

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