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Ross: Humans have advanced to the level of AirPods

A model wears Apple AirPods during Paris Fashion Week Womenswear Fall/Winter 2019/2020, on March 04, 2019 in Paris, France. (Edward Berthelot/Getty Images)

In the beginning, humans were born with all the body parts necessary to function productively. But little by little, we’ve had to add things. A wallet, phone, glasses, keys. I go through the list every morning. And now for many people the list is has grown to include Apple’s wireless AirPods.

AirPods are wireless headphones that fit right in your ear. They were invented because we got so good at not losing our phones. Whereas AirPods lose themselves beautifully. A few months ago one guy actually swallowed one in his sleep. It did reappear — about 24 hours later.

Are we going back to the old light bulbs?

I myself have never bought them because I have unevolved, pre-Millennial ears and I’d be on my 20th set by now. But many people find themselves unable to resist the liberation of a wireless earbud. At least until it falls into a sink, storm drain, mixed drink, or some guy’s stomach.

That’s why, according to the Wall Street Journal, some users will carry improvised AirPod retrieval tools. Which means now — it’s wallet, phone, glasses, keys, AirPods, dental-floss-tied-to-magnet.

Anyway, I see there’s a big iPhone reveal tomorrow; let’s hope it includes either a direct Bluetooth auditory nerve stimulator – so you don’t need any earbuds, or a Dadgum headphone jack so you can hear stuff without paying $169. And so you can pull it out of your stomach right away. Instead of having to, you know, wait.

Listen to Dave Ross weekday mornings from 5-9 a.m. on KIRO Radio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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