Rantz: Please don’t be the adult who wears a Halloween costume to work

Please do not be that coworker who wears a Halloween costume to work. Why? Because you’re supposed to be an adult.

Don’t bolt into the office dressed like a giant banana or become an HR nightmare as some terrifying sexy nurse. What are you doing? Let me remind you — you’re a grown-up with a job, responsibilities, maybe even a retirement account. There are only so many ways to explain away dressing up as Elphaba from Wicked for the corporate meeting, and none of them say “serious, competent professional.” In fact, you’re screaming the exact opposite.

A Halloween costume has its place — at a party (unless you’re over the age of, let’s go with 32), while trick-or-treating with kids, or in a haunted house. But the second you walk through those office doors in full costume, it’s not Halloween anymore; it’s just Thursday. You know what I’d prefer not to find while walking into my third meeting of the morning? My boss dressed as Elsa, even if he has the figure to pull it off.

This is part one of 17 in a series excoriating fun.

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Don’t be that one dressed in a costume for Halloween at work. Please.

To my dismay, there’s always at least one of “those” coworkers who come dressed up in an elaborate costume. I instinctively feel a desire to ignore someone seeking attention while I’m just trying to write a story, pop in the studio for a Fox News appearance, sign a few autographs and prep my radio show. The rest of us choose to dress like adults in the office … we’re just trying to make it to the weekend without having to unsee our accountant dressed as a unicorn. Trust me — no one asked for this.

And let’s talk about what this looks like to your boss or that client who swung by for a surprise meeting. You want them to take you seriously, right? Good luck with that when they’re trying to conduct business with a “pirate” who forgot to wash the Sharpie mustache off his face. The boss isn’t thinking, “Wow, John is so festive!” They’re thinking, “Do I really want the person who’s dressed like a zombie handling our Q4 strategy?” You’re basically telling everyone, “I’m not here to be taken seriously; I’m here to make sure everyone sees that I spent $59.99 at the Spirit Halloween pop-up shop in Queen Anne.”

Then there are the coworkers who barely even half-commit — they just smear on some face paint, slap on a cat-ear headband, and think they’re good to go. Honestly, at that point, what are you doing? I’d rather you be the full-on annoying coworker in a costume. Either go full Stranger Things creature or come dressed like you normally would. A flimsy effort isn’t cute; it’s just confusing. No one’s going to give you an “A for effort” for your 8 a.m. cat makeup that already looks like it’s melting off by the time the Guy Benson Show airs on KTTH (weekdays noon to 3 p.m.).

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Don’t worry — we’re not canceling Halloween

Halloween costumes are kind of like karaoke. Fun? Sure (not to me, as I don’t enjoy fun). Entertaining with friends? Absolutely (I guess?). But there’s a very specific context that makes it appropriate. You wouldn’t walk into a big presentation, throw down a microphone, and belt out “My Heart Will Go On.” So why would you think strolling in as Beetlejuice is any different? Not every space needs a “fun” version of you. Especially not work. And especially if you’re not fun to begin with.

I’m not saying Halloween is canceled. We’re just setting boundaries. I’m saying you should keep it where it belongs — outside the office. There’s something to be said for showing a little restraint, for not making your colleagues feel like they’re at a poorly planned costume party every October 31. It’s called professionalism. Save your inner werewolf for the Halloween party or the local bar where everyone’s expecting it. (Note: a Halloween-themed tie may be appropriate. It should be screened prior to committing to it. Halloween colors are appropriate and encouraged because orange is underrated, unless it clashes with your skin tone.)

And as a compromise, how’s this: you may include one — but only one — Halloween pun in an email or memo.

Some people say wearing a Halloween costume to work is fun! But who likes … fun? Fun is overrated. Fun is for happy people. Who is happy anyway?

So, leave the “House of Dragons” costume at home, and remember: real adults don’t need a costume to scare people. The realization you didn’t start on a project due on Monday? That’s terrifying enough.

Listen to The Jason Rantz Show on weekday afternoons from 3-7 p.m. on KTTH 770 AM (HD Radio 97.3 FM HD-Channel 3). Subscribe to the podcast here. Follow Jason Rantz on X, Instagram, YouTube and Facebook.

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