Tigger Alert

On Wednesday Andrew talked about his fear of being handcuffed, specifically behind the back. While I don’t know how that would even work with his specific body type, I can sympathize. In 1993 I turned myself in at the Bellevue police station to face 38 felony charges and was transported to King County Jail handcuffed in this fashion. Never has my nose itched so badly, and even more humiliating I had to change the radio station with my tongue.

For better or worse, once in federal custody it was almost always shackles, meaning my hands and ankles were tightly chained together in front of me. I have little complaint with the U.S. Marshals, as they were always respectful and kind while transporting me from jails to holding cells to prisons. One time while moving from Pierce County Jail to the Puyallup lockup on my (eventual) way to FCI Sheridan in Oregon the marshals stopped the van at McDonald’s, bought some food and unshackled us so we could feel human for ten minutes while firing back burgers.

The day of my sentencing I had one veteran U.S. Marshal and one rookie. When it was time to face Judge Dimmick they retrieved me from the holding pen in the federal courthouse and the vet let the rookie try his hand at the shackling process. He struggled a bit but eventually it was a go and they escorted me into the wide marble hallway leading to my courtroom. The hall was jammed that day due to a high school field trip so there at least a hundred kids watching as I shuffled along in my “felony red” pajamas. After a few seconds I saw their eyes widen, hands over mouths, pointing at my feet. The rookie’s shackle work had come undone and Clip Clop’s felonious hooves were unencumbered. The marshals didn’t notice as they were close to my sides, each holding an elbow. I leaned over to the veteran and told him what happened. We steered into an empty courtroom and corrected the problem but just for a minute some of those kids thought there might be a “Fugitive” situation jumping off.

NOTE: Here is the Encyclopedia Britanica ad kid Andrew was referencing, btw, complete with Ross Schaffer (Morty the Agent’s dad) on voiceover.

My “government” is Mike Frizzell. Friend me on Facebook where I’m trying to keep FitMob’s sexy ad on my page by mentioning them in my status updates. Follow me @drewmcfrizz on Twitter. Check out Takedown Podcast‘s FB page where we just published Dominique Wilkins’ knee replacement X-rays.