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‘Long Shot’ is appalling, but the camera’s in focus most of the time

1.5 stars (out of four)

Long Shot is about a dynamic charismatic woman running for President of the United States. She’s Secretary of State, but she looks nothing at all like Hillary Clinton because it’s played by Charlize Theron unless you think that Charlize Theron looks like Hillary Clinton.

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Charlize Theron is a wonderful actress and you can actually believe her as a very successful politician, and she even shows in a very subtle and sort of winning way the way you have the politician face, and then you have the boss face and the diplomat face, and then you drop it and you’re a little bit more vulnerable and likable and all of that is very interesting.

The movie stinks. It’s awful. Don’t see it. This is one of those things that she will look back on and say, “Why did I do that film? Why did I humiliate myself that way?”

It was written by Liz Hannah, whose one previous screenplay was The Post–that film was excellent and very well-written. This film has been worked on by a lot of other hands in the screenplay, who have made it gross.

Basically here’s the premise. The main focus is the Seth Rogen character — who I don’t know why he thinks these people he is playing are lovable — he may be lovable. He’s a talented guy. He can write, he can act (kind of), but he plays people who can do nothing. He plays complete losers who end up with incredibly beautiful women. And it makes no sense.

This may be a reassuring message to some. But remember the kids on The Big Bang Theory, they’re really brilliant. They have a lot going for them. His characters have nothing going for them.

He’s playing a character named Fred Flarsky. She hires this Fred Flarsky, who it turns out had her as a babysitter and had a crush on her years ago. The film is about how these two very unlikely people–this loser guy who doesn’t own a suit and is always wearing dirty, stinky clothes, and doing various bodily functions. And for some reason, I think it’s in all of his contracts: Seth Rogen has to have you have a view of his belly and chest, of course, which makes every guy in the audience feel better about themselves.

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But you think, graphic sex with Charlize Theron, how bad can it be, right? Don’t see the movie to find out. It’s really, really not worth it. And there’s one other area that must be talked about.

The climax of the film involves him persuading her to take ecstasy with him. Now it’s one of the most devastating drugs we have. It is a bad idea to glamorize it the way they do.

I hated Long Shot. It gets 1.5 stars because Charlize Theron is a talented actress, and the camera’s in focus most of the time. But the film is appalling.

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My wife heard it was a romantic comedy, and so this is one of the rare films that Diane came along with me, and early on she said, “Can we go? Can we leave now?”

The one thing the film is funny about is the incumbent president wanting to leave the presidency so he can make it in movies. They also have a very amusing parody of Fox and Friends, but it’s not worth the rest of the pain.

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