This whole idea of being “woke” made me think back to psychology class in college. I remember being really interested in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and the pursuit of self-actualization.

The idea of the hierarchy is that once you have all of your basic needs, you can focus on the next set of human desires. The bottom of the pyramid is your “physiological needs,” such as air, food, water, etc. Once you have those things, you can begin to seek the next series of needs – “safety.” After that, you’ll strive for “love and belonging” – these are your social connections. Not necessary to live, but an essential part of a fulfilling life. The fourth section of the pyramid is “self-esteem,” which is comprised by someone’s own dignity, reputation, or status. Once a person has achieved all of these pieces, then, and only then, can they reach “self-actualization.”

If it takes all of this to become self-actualized, I wonder what it would take for a progressive person to achieve “woke?”

Here is how I think that pyramid could be broken down:

Physiological Needs

• The basic human needs of a progressive obviously include social media. How else would you tell someone that you’re woke if you should attain that status? It’s also a vital part in your participation in “cancel culture.”
• Free college is also necessary, or at the very least you need someone besides yourself to cover your student loans.
• Equality should be important to everyone, no matter their ideology. But this type of equality is a bit different. This is the type where race is put at the forefront of every single issue no matter what.
• The Green New Deal. What’s the point of striving for ‘wokeness’ if we’re going to be dead in 12 years?
• Absolutely no plastic straws. We need to make sure we solve this before we tackle anything else.
• Social Justice. Establishing that we are all victims.
• More taxes. Progressivism 101.

Safety and Security

• Redistributed wealth. We all need money to survive, but we shouldn’t have to earn it ourselves.
• Free everything. Once that money is redistributed, spending it wisely is out of the question. Things need to be given. That’s the job of the government.
• No police. Police make us feel unsafe.
• Safe injection sites. In order to feel secure you must know that the drug addicted people on the streets have a steady, government subsidized supply of the thing that is ruining their lives.
• $15 minimum wage, because earning a higher wage based on the merit and value of the work you do is too hard.
• Open borders. What even are these arbitrary lines in the sand?

Love and Belonging

• In order to feel like we belong, everyone around us must think exactly the way we think. If they don’t we must burn all bridges, disavow them publicly, and call them fascists.
• We must remind, and be reminded by others, that we hate Trump.
• Use of correct pronouns. We must address everyone properly.

Self-Esteem

• White guilt. This step can only be achieved once everyone knows how sorry you are.
• A blue check mark. ‘Wokeness’ is only attainable to those who are retweeted the most.
• A blog to share you feelings.
• The understanding that you are not racist. Only the people around you are.

Woke

• Once you have realized all of these things, you will be woke and you can tell everyone how much better you are than them.