Rantz: Seattle park overrun by geese and their voluminous poop

Seattle’s Lake Union Park in South Lake Union is being overrun by stupid, annoying geese and their startlingly voluminous poop. There’s literally goose poop for days!

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The park, described by the city as “a unique urban gem,” is supposed to be a green space we can enjoy, take in some sun, enjoy the water fountains on warm days, and people watch. Instead, it’s been rendered unusable by a huge flock of geese that, as best as I can tell, do nothing but eat the grass then poop on all the walkways.

I mean, what exactly do geese even do? I Googled “What do geese do” and just found a bunch of garbage articles about the Canada goose, so they’re not even American geese using our parks.

I walk through the park quite often and there are times where walking through it is the equivalent of navigating a minefield — in this case, a poopfield. There’s no clean walk through the park. You have to tiptoe around mounds of geese droppings from the dozens of birds that take over the park.

Want to sit at the fountain? You can’t. The geese are hanging out, going for a swim, and pooping in the water.

Want to lay on the grass and listen to a podcast near the Museum of History and Industry? Yeah, well, good luck finding a clean place to lay down.

And how is there so much poop everywhere? They eat grass. Yes, it’s fiber, but the amount is alarming.

We’re not the only ones having this problem. A school district in Raytown, Mo, was being terrorized by goose poop. It was so bad, kids couldn’t go out for recess without encountering mounds of goose poop.

“We tell them [the students] not to pick it up but, you know, it was so prevalent that that would be really hard for them, and they’re curious,” said Dr. Sandra Dickerson, Robinson Elementary Principal.

Side note: I’m naturally curious and never tried to pick up the goose droppings at Lake Union Park. Kids are stupid.

The school thought about shooting or poisoning the geese, but silly government regulations got in the way. So they got creative: they erected a bunch of wolf cutouts – with what looks like a dead goose in its mouth –and it scares away most of the geese. Success!

“They’re gone,” declared Dickerson. “They are miraculously migrating somewhere else.”

It was a miracle! A goose poop miracle!

Perhaps we should adopt this tactic at Lake Union Park. Otherwise, we’re just ceding our parks to geese with irritable bowel syndrome — and it’s making me irritable. We’ve already given many of our parks to the homeless and drug dealers. Can we have nothing to enjoy ourselves?

The only place the geese have given us a poop refuge is the parking lot. There’s no War on Cars coming from these stupid geese. But there is a war on clean shoes.

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