Expressing thanks makes others think you’re a good person, even if you’re not

One of the first things we teach our kids is to say ‘thank you.’

Even before babies can speak, parents are encouraged to teach their children ‘thank you’ in sign language.

It’s polite to do so.

Even Jimmy Fallon writes out Thank You notes every Friday.

But, saying ‘thank you’ goes beyond etiquette.

Psychologist Monica Bartlett at Gonzaga University said she’s found real evidence that expressing gratitude improves lives.

And, it’ll make people think you’re a good person – even if you’re not.

Researchers gathered 70 university students in their lab and led them to believe that they would be advising a younger student in essay writing.

“Half of the participants were then given a hand-written thank you note from their mentee and the other half were not,” explained Bartlett. “What we found was that those participants who were thanked (for) editing this essay, rated their mentee as warmer human being who is more likeable, thoughtful, and kind. Furthermore, they were more willing to leave their contact information – phone number and email address.”

An instant friendship blossomed from one phrase: ‘thank you.’

Bartlett first began thinking about how emotions could benefit people while earning a master’s degree in criminal justice at Northeastern University.

She understood how negative emotions like jealousy and anger contributed to antisocial and criminal behavior, but she explored the opposite direction to find out how positive emotions can improve lives.

“Saying thank you, a simple thank you, leads people to view you as a warmer human being, and consequently being more interested in socially engaging with you, getting to know and building a relationship with you,” she said.

Being thanked isn’t all about the person who thanked you, though. Bartlett said that being thanked also makes you a better person, too.

They just don’t know why yet.

“Is it because you start to recognize all of the people you have in your life? Or a higher power? Or that you feel that others care for you? I think there’s a lot of possibilities there. We don’t have the data to answer just what’s going on,” Bartlett said. “But we know that there’s a link between gratitude and well-being.”

Bartlett said that historically, psychology has focused on disease and fixing what’s wrong with people. But she’s among a group now studying ‘positive psychology’ to focus on what’s beautiful, promising and right with people and their relationships.

As a result, more research is proving a positive attitude can help people flourish.