How spooking little kids can prepare them for real life

The sounds of children screaming as their parents laugh in the background. It’s the soundtrack of Halloween. But is it all in good fun, or just plain mean?

“When adults do things that utilize symbols of death, 6 and 7-year-olds that I interviewed, they don’t take that in fun. They see symbols of death and they think of actual death,” says Rutgers University Anthropology Professor Cindy Dell Clark.

Clark interviewed children and their parents the day after Halloween three years in a row. She would show the kids pictures of some traditional Halloween symbols and ask which of them the children thought were scary.

“Everything was scary. The ghost was scary. The witch was scary. The most scary thing of all is the haunted house because all the other evil people live there,” Clark says.

She argues it is not right for parents to traumatize their children for their own amusement.

“This may be part of the fun for adults, but from what I can tell you from a kids vantage point it’s a kind of mini-trauma,” says Clark.

Not every expert sees it that way. Psychology Professor Dr. Frank Farley at Temple University says enjoying the scarier aspects of Halloween is a good way to prepare children for the truly frightful things that will happen to them in real life.

Whether or not you can enjoy a haunted Halloween with your younger child depends a lot on your son or daughter’s personality, Farley says. He has identified what he calls a “Type T” personality. They are thrill seekers. They love adventure and look for ways to challenge themselves.

“One of the key ingredients in human fear is uncertainty, and this type of child can thrive in the realm of uncertainty,” says Farley. “To them it’s fun. It’s exciting. It’s a thrill. It’s challenging.”

If your child is a bit more timid, you might want to keep it low key at first. Farley relates it to taking a dip in shallow water before diving into the deep end of the pool. Wait until your child is a little bit older before introducing them to the really scary stuff.

If you do jump in too soon, and you’re worried the fear of Halloween may scar your child for life, Farley reassures parents that there is very little about the holiday that could do any permanent damage.

“The human brain and mind are astoundingly plastic and changeable. Memories are being edited and touched up all the time, and so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Farley says.

In fact, he says parents are probably the best people to deliver the first big fright to their little goblins. Since you know your children best, you will know when to pull back and give them a reassuring hug.

The one thing you shouldn’t do is laugh while your child is screaming. Farley says that can wait until later, when even your littlest monster is ready to giggle over stories of their spooky Halloween adventures.

“Sharing is everything,” says Farley. “If Halloween evening is a way to increase the sharing, I’m all for it.”