She knew he wasn’t real. She was in love with him anyway. Takeaways about romance scams

One rainy afternoon in August, Jean Booth scurried up the stairs of a nondescript Thai restaurant, shook out her blue, shoulder-length hair and took out her phone. She bit her lip; no messages.

Her boyfriend, Donnie, was due to arrive at the airport in a matter of hours, but Jean hadn’t heard from him all day. Over the next half-hour, Jean checked her phone a few more times, but Donnie didn’t text or call. Part of her knew he wouldn’t — they had never met in person or even spoken on the phone.

Jean wouldn’t hear from Donnie until hours later, when he’d send a WhatsApp message telling her he couldn’t get a plane ticket, that he was stuck, that he was scared and in danger. When he’d tell her he was sorry, and ask her, again, for money. Jean would then pull into a sprawling parking lot in suburban Virginia, and cry.

Here are some takeaways from The Associated Press’ story about romance scam victims like Jean Booth:

— Romance scams are on the rise across the United States. Last year, more than 49,000 Americans reported losing a collective $1.3 billion to romance scams, according to available FTC data shared with the AP. That’s an increase of at least 14% and likely more from the previous year.

— The growth in romance scams comes in part from acute social isolation ushered in by the COVID-19 epidemic and lockdowns. In a first-of-its-kind study in 2025, the World Health Organization found that years after the world opened up again, people continue to suffer from loneliness. Estimates for people globally who report loneliness range from 1 in 6 to 1 in 2.

— Scientists have found that humans evolved to rely on each other, and our brains are hardwired to seek out relationships and community for survival. Love is a necessity like food, water and shelter.

“Social connection is a fundamental biological need,” psychologist Julianne Holt-Lunstad said. “If it’s lacking, we may seek it out in unhealthy ways.”

— Like Booth, some romance scam victims are aware at some level that they are being manipulated. Ally Armeson, the executive director of FightCybercrime.org, has worked with 880 victims, many of whom were caught in romance scams. She likens their conundrum to a desert prison: They see the bars trapping them, but the unbearable desolation outside the prison seems worse.

— The guilt, shame and social stigma surrounding these scams compound the loneliness that propels so many victims into them in the first place. Many victims Armeson has worked with have considered taking their own lives.

“They’ve been living this life where somebody loved them, they believed in them, they promised a beautiful future,” Armeson said. “Then, all of a sudden, that life collapses. … The person who gave them purpose is a ghost they can’t even mourn.”