We just got the worst ‘good news’ in American history

So President Donald Trump aced a cognitive test on his official White House physical.

He scored a perfect 30 out of 30. This should be a surprise to no one. He has told us for months that he’s a very “stable genius” and uses only the “best words.”

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In light of these results, his behavior terrifies me even more now. I’ll get to that in a minute, but first, what’s a cognitive test anyway?

I found this description in an Associated Press story:

The Montreal Cognitive Assessment that Trump took includes: remembering a list of spoken words; listening to a list of random numbers and repeating them backward; naming as many words that begin with, say, the letter F as possible within a minute; accurately drawing a cube; and describing concrete ways that two objects — like a train and a bicycle — are alike.

According to Wikipedia, this assessment is typically used to check for the early stages of Alzheimer’s disease. Fair enough, Trump is in relatively good shape for a man in his early 70s.

Now, let’s circle back. These results should send a shiver down the spine of every American. This means that Donald Trump is doing all these crazy and unpresidential things on purpose.

It would be more comforting to me if he had the early stages of Alzheimer’s. That might then explain the racist remarks and the outbursts on Twitter. Maybe when he does something jaw-droppingly unexplainable like pull the United States out of the Paris Accord, we could collectively blame the cognitive impairment. We could shrug our collective shoulders and say, “The President’s Alzheimer’s is flaring up again.”

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Now in light of these medical results, and the remarkable press conference by his examining doctor, we are left with a very bleak realization.

The President of the United States of America, with a sound mind, is purposefully behaving like a racist, a sexist, and a bully. He evidently has a big shiny button on his desk that will plunge us into nuclear war, and he can make that decision without having to consult anyone.

This may be the worst good news in the history of America.

You can hear “What are we talking about here?” everyday at 4:45 p.m. on 97.3 FM.

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