Please stop wearing shorts to work

It’s hot in the Pacific Northwest. It will get miserably hot. But I have a request: stop wearing shorts to work.

Yes, I admit it, I am a shorts bigot.

As we learned Thursday, the National Weather Service has issued an excessive heat watch across Western Washington from now to Sunday at 5 a.m.

Meteorologist Danny Mercer says the heat wave is coming earlier than usual and adds to an already hot June.

And some people don’t know how to deal with the heat at the office. With very few exceptions, one thing you should never do, under any circumstances, is wear shorts.

Related: What exactly is a Seattle ‘heat wave?’

It’s unprofessional in nearly all offices. It also makes things awkward. No one wants to see your unusually hairy legs.

Some people wear shorts above the knee. That is too short. Some wear shorts down to their shins &#8212 might as well wear pants at that point.

Then, people wearing shorts feel compelled to wear sandals with those shorts. No one wants to see your feet. Stop that. We’re judging. We are disgusted.

People in shorts at work are untrustworthy. Did you know that? If my mail is delivered by a postal worker in shorts, I assume they shook my packages to see if there’s something in it worth stealing. I assume they stole my Netflix Blu-ray that I mailed back.

I’m not sure if they still do it, but Southwest once allowed their flight staff to wear shorts. No! I don’t think you’ll help me if you’re wearing shorts if the flight makes an unexpected water landing. I think you’ll be hopping in for a swim.

And please do not wear pants with the pant legs rolled up. That is a sartorial disaster.

But above all, it’s just plain rude. Stop reminding me that I’m the dope with body issues unwilling to wear shorts at work for fear you’ll see my pasty white, yet unusually hairy legs.