Rantz: Tooth Fairy paying out less for teeth thanks to Democrat mismanagement

The West Coast has lost its bite. Democrat mismanagement has not reached the Tooth Fairy, who’s unable to offer the same amount of teeth as she’s been able to in the past.

According to Delta Dental’s Original Tooth Fairy Poll, the payout for a lost tooth in the region has tanked by a brutal 33%, dropping from a cushy $8.54 to a recession-tier $5.69.

Thanks to Biden-era inflation, this shouldn’t surprise us. Inflation continues to hammer families as the Trump administration tries to dig us out of the crisis, and now the magical realm of childhood finance is collapsing. Worse, for kids who know the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist, they think their parents are deadbeats or cheapskates not giving them what their teeth are worth. That kid will barely be able to buy a candy bar and chocolate milk with the new going rate for a tooth.

More from Jason Rantz: Dangerous Jayapal claims Musk, DOGE pushing ‘white ultranationalist Christian ideology under a dictatorial leader’

Why is the Tooth Fairy paying out less for teeth?

The West Coast’s financial fairyland isn’t the only one taking a nosedive.

Kids in the South are now raking in just $5.71 per tooth, though at least makes them the new one-percenters of baby tooth economics. Meanwhile, the Midwest is still struggling at $3.46, but they at least have functioning cities, so fair trade.

The Tooth Fairy’s business model relies on a stable economy, but it hasn’t yet recovered from Biden. Her specialized equipment — the spy gear that lets get sneak into children’s bedrooms while they’re asleep (in a way that sounds like creepy) — is more expensive now than it was pre-Bidenflation. And because the dollar isn’t as strong as it once was, it’s not as easy to move teeth for the Tooth Fairy as it once was. The free market has been under assault and it’s hurting her business.

In Washington, this is the latest casualty of Democrats’ disastrous policies.

Washington Democrats’ relentless push for higher taxes, suffocating business regulations, and anti-growth housing policies are killing off whatever economic vitality we had left. The money she used to pour back into her business is now going disproportionately to her rent every month for that tiny studio in Fremont. Maybe the Tooth Fairy’s West Coast fund was drained by the state’s “equity-focused” budget. Or maybe the Tooth Fairy is still suffering from Bidenflation?

When gas is pushing $4.15 a gallon and a Happy Meal costs as much as a sit-down meal used to, who has the cash to be sprinkling crisp $10 bills under pillows? This is the real trickle-down effect — except instead of prosperity, it’s just disappointment for children.

The Tooth Fairy should move to Texas or Florida

Adding insult to injury, the poll shows that while the S&P 500 surged 26%, the national average tooth payout plummeted 14%. That’s Democrat’s economic legacy at work: corporate investors thrive while kids trying to cash in on their loose incisors are left high and dry. Even the mythical world of childhood finances isn’t safe from this administration’s incompetence.

At this rate, West Coast kids will be lucky to get an IOU from the Tooth Fairy — if she hasn’t already been driven out of state by progressive tax policies or been accused of being “problematic” for identifying as a “cis-gendered female.” At some point, she may just set up shop in Texas or Florida, where jobs are booming, crime isn’t legal and kids will see faster tooth-bounty recovery.

More from Jason Rantz: Calls for resignation as Richland Mayor posts support for DOGE and Elon Musk

Listen to The Jason Rantz Show on weekday afternoons from 3-7 p.m. on KTTH 770 AM (HD Radio 97.3 FM HD-Channel 3). Subscribe to the podcast here. Follow Jason Rantz on X, Instagram, YouTube and Facebook.

Follow @https://twitter.com/jasonrantz