Clinical psychologist warns too many boys are growing up isolated, disconnected, and without purpose
Sep 11, 2026, 1:30 PM
A new book is sounding an alarm for parents of boys, arguing that too many young men are growing up isolated, disconnected, and unsure of their purpose.
Clinical psychologist and parenting expert Dr. Shafali is the author of “Raising Conscious Sons.”
In a recent episode of The Oprah Podcast, she said boys are growing up in a culture that often works against what they need most.
That’s movement, connection, adventure, belonging, and a sense of purpose.
Dr. Shefali said parents need to recognize that boys do have emotions.
“They feel as much as girls. Their pathway of expression is different. They feel through the body, through their movement,” she said.
And after movement, the words usually follow.
This can mean a young boy’s energy, frustration, or even anger isn’t necessarily defiance.
“Any time you are in a battle with your boy. It means they are dysregulated because they haven’t moved enough,” Shefali said. “Just take it as a formula. Instead of telling them to brush their teeth, make them do 10 jumping jacks, go through an obstacle course, find the toothpaste, find the toothbrush, and race with you, and then they will do it.”
She said it’s so important for parents to channel their son’s intensity.
“Think of yourself as a channeler. How do I direct this? You are the walls of the tunnel, but that wind must have a place to go, right? You want that energy to be directed, not turned inward,” Shefali said.
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When boys don’t have healthy outlets, technology fills the void
Dr. Shafali warns that when boys don’t have healthy outlets or meaningful connections, isolation can take hold.
She discusses what happens when boys retreat further into bedrooms and screens.
Technology isn’t just competing for children’s attention anymore; it’s competing for their attachment.
“The answer to that digital abduction is relational connection. Parents need to step back,” Shefali said. “This is a wake-up call to parents to stop outsourcing their influence, their attachment, and their attention.”
For fathers, she said one of the most important things a son can hear is simple: I see you.
“Has to be embodied presence. When you think boy, you think embodiment in the body. That’s how they speak. That’s how they learn, shoulder to shoulder, doing with together,” Shefali said.
For mothers, Dr. Shafali said the goal isn’t to protect sons from every struggle, but to show them that they are capable of handling it.
If he knows that in your gaze, he is whole, he has impunity, he can discover with his fire and fall down,” she said. “Then you will give him the confidence. Confidence comes from competence, but competence comes from struggle.”
There was so much more to this conversation. And even more to come from the book, which comes out Sept. 15.
Dr. Shafali said she doesn’t want to leave parents feeling anxious but confident, with tools and strategies.
Read more of Katrina Guischard’s stories here.
