Domestic violence survivor understands why Ray Rice’s wife defends him

One day after new video surfaced of NFL star Ray Rice knocking out his wife in a hotel elevator, many people are questioning how Janay Rice could defend her husband.

Rice posted a strong defense of her husband Tuesday, and criticized the media for the coverage.

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend,” Janay wrote in an Instagram post. “But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare itself. No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted [opinions] from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret everyday is a horrible thing.

“To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass off for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!”

But domestic violence survivor Deborah Maini tells KIRO Radio’s Ron and Don Show she completely understands.

“I’m imagining that she’s feeling like, ‘How can I make this better? How can I make sure that we stay together because we care about each other,'” Maini says.

Maini is now an advocate with The WAVE Foundation: Women Against Violence Everywhere, a Seattle-based non-profit working to end domestic violence.

She says she lived in an abusive relationship for years with her husband, a successful business leader. She admits she didn’t know what to do.

“You don’t wake up and say I really want to be with someone who does not treat me well,” she says.

“What I saw was someone I loved very much and I lost sight of the fact that I was not being treated well. I also was afraid to leave because of the circumstances of the relationship and because of being with someone I felt had more power than I had.”

Domestic abuse isn’t always just physical. It can often be emotional and verbal as well. Like many others who’ve experienced domestic violence, Mainey didn’t see a way out.

“I knew I was a bright woman who was well educated and I thought, ‘This must be my fault’ because if it weren’t then I would be smart enough to leave.'”

That’s where organizations like WAVE come in. WAVE raises awareness about domestic violence and provides funds for organizations that provide treatment, advocacy and shelter to victims of domestic violence.

“I didn’t think I had any help available. It happens over time and not always the violence seen on video,” she says.

Her biggest message? Help is available.

“You feel like this is my fault and I love this person and they must love me because it seems like some of the time they do,” she says.

The WAVE Foundation will host the the 7th Annual Cycle the WAVE on Saturday, Sept. 14 at Bellevue College. The event is a fully supported, non-competitive, all-women’s cycling event. It is a venue created for women of all ages and fitness levels to experience camaraderie, increase awareness of domestic violence through visibility and to raise funds for domestic violence programs across Washington State.