Sorry, but everything does not happen for a reason

Everything does not happen for a reason. At least not in the way that people use this cliché. I realize that this is sensitive territory for many people. I am not trying to be harsh.

This bumper sticker slogan popped up again on the show yesterday and I want to take a minute to challenge this line of thinking.

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It’s not only untrue, but it’s an incredibly condescending concept. With all due respect to your particular brand of religion, thinking that “everything happens for a reason” is a pat on the head to those who are suffering.

Don’t get me wrong. I see the appeal of it. It’s very comforting to believe that every time you have a challenge or a situation doesn’t go your way that there’s some secret lesson in there that you’re supposed to learn. That this challenge is merely a cleverly disguised test, and you’ll come out all the better for it on the other side.

This construct is beneficial up until the point when it’s not. That point for me is undeserved human suffering, especially the suffering of children.

A very simple test is I would say the phrase to the face of people I’ve met around the world. The short answer is no, it would be an unbelievable insult.

I’ll give you two examples.

First, I got to travel with the US military on a humanitarian trip to Haiti after their devastating earthquake in 2010. Even if you read all the news stories on the devastation, seeing it in person was jaw dropping. A type of destruction that I’d never seen before. Now, what kind of person would I be if I walked off that C-130 and looked a Haitian child in the face and said, “everything happens for a reason?” A child born into a type of poverty we will never know, who just lost everything. A child whose house was flattened and whose family was killed. What exactly is the reason for that kind of suffering?

I had a similar experience representing the show in Japan after the tsunami in 2011. It’s a country where 40 percent of the people do not affiliate with any religion, and the most predominant faith among people who practice is Buddhism. How arrogant would I have to be to fly into their country and tour a fishing village that was literally wiped off the map and say, “everything happens for a reason?” When thousands of people were killed in a matter of minutes and you are there to feebly try and assist one orphanage, you simply bow as low as you can and try to express empathy for their unimaginable pain.

Now, there is a silver lining if you’ve been taught that everything happens for a reason. And it’s this: you can turn the concept on its head, and inject reasons into tragedy after the fact.

Instead of framing things up as some kind of preordained decision, you say, “there is no justifiable reason this bad thing happened to you, but I’m going to choose to help you anyway.” That is the reason; when good people help those that have been crushed by random tragedy. The horrible thing did not happen for a reason, but you have a reason to reach out when it does.

I know for some of you abandoning this concept feels a lot like being asked to not believe in God anymore. That’s not my intent. I ask you to reconsider using this phrase. It’s a slap in the face of broken people everywhere. Instead, let your reason be a call to action when disaster strikes.

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