Is it loaded to ask ‘where is dad?’ after Lyles shooting?

The fatal shooting of pregnant mom Charleena Lyles stirred my emotions for many reasons, but one is because I grew up without a dad.

There were four kids and my mom fought like hell to keep clothes on us, to keep us fed, and to make sure we were educated. I’m sure Charleena went through these things, too.

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So I posed a question on Facebook about the children’s father:

Two Seattle Police Officers took a pregnant Mom’s life over the weekend. She was threatening to kill them with a knife. She had threatened other officers two weeks ago. She did all this in front of her kids……and yes her life was taken in front of the kids. Tonight, while communities take sides and lawyers count dollar signs I have ONE QUESTION: WHERE is dad or the dads??? As a man that had a baby out of wedlock….I can ask that question because I am right here and I am not going anywhere. Two Seattle Police Officers and a broken hearted family of a woman in mental crisis would like to know tonight. Dad, are you going to come take care of your kids or is it up to the rest of us? ~ don

People criticized my question. Tonya Mosley, a respected local journalist, being one of them.

She wrote to me:

Dear Don,

I’m surprised and upset that you would ask this question and yet you say with authority that she threatened officers. This is what police told you but you don’t know that to be a fact. It could be a possibility that the father is out of the picture. It could also be that the father is not alive. There are so many possibilities. This post is loaded and coded. Whether you’re intentionally doing this or unconsciously doing it, what you did here is divert the conversation and the issue at hand. Now you and your listeners can spend all your time talking about the shortcomings of this mother and the perceived and stereotypical shortcomings of black people. I thought, perhaps mistakenly, that you were somehow more enlightened.

I wrote back and explained that I have no idea the race of the dad or dads, but she may know more about the story. I’ve asked that she enlighten me. I also pointed out there’s nothing in my post about race.

Tonya replied and said that for many people, the shooting had everything to do with race and law enforcement’s lack of ability to handle mental health cases.

“You can’t bring up the issue of a lack of fathers and not expect race to rise to the top. Just look at the comments under your post. Whether you intended it or not, we just aren’t in a climate where that is possible.”

I didn’t bring up race, but I understand Tonya’s point, which is why I invited her on the show to discuss the issue.

“I think that Don’s Facebook message came from a place of emotion because he’s personally dealt with this issue. And it strikes a nerve for him, but it strikes a nerve in another way for other people like myself. That’s why I wrote that,” Tonya Mosley told The Ron and Don Show.

I stand by my point, but apologized for hurting Tonya.

Listen to the entire conversation with Tonya Mosley here.