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Listeners answer: How to make the NHL arena fit its name of ‘Krakhouse’

A slide in NHL Seattle's presentation to City Council, depicting a fully-renovated KeyArena (NHL Seattle)

Earlier this week, we found out that, according to a report, the new Seattle NHL team might be named the Kraken, a squid-like sea monster from Norse mythology.

I said on Wednesday that that name is one of the stupidest ideas possible — “Kraken” in a city known for drug use, including the use of crack cocaine.

There are so many other reasons why Kraken is just a horrible name. For one thing, I believe that sports team names should end in the letter “S” — with a grandfathered exemption for the Red Sox and White Sox.

My fear is that the fans will be either known as the Krakheads or the Krakers. You can’t call fans in the least racially diverse sport Krakers. And will the NHL arena be known as the Krakhouse or the Krakden?

Dori: Do we want ‘Seattle Kraken’ when crack is awash in the streets?

KIRO Radio Topical content producer Daron Casey, who has been a hockey fan all his life, was upset to hear the news about the possible team name.

“I’m devastated … I’ve been waiting for this for literally 30 years,” he said, on the date that was, by coincidence, his 30th birthday. “For three decades I’ve been waiting for a hockey team to call my own. And we’re finally getting one. I’m so excited for this to happen. And they’re gonna be called the Kraken. I have to cheer for the Kraken. It’s cartoonish, it’s childish, it’s gimmicky.”

I had a crack house in my neighborhood once. It had a pit bull on a chain outside of it. My suggestion is that if we decide to call our NHL team the Kraken, we put pit bulls on chains at every entrance to the Krakhouse. We should add some RVs and junker cars as well, though I know those are hard to find around this region.

I posed the question to you — what can we do to give the stadium its true Krakhouse authenticity? Here are just a few of the creative ideas you came up with:

“The seats in the arena should be packed with urine-soaked mattresses.”

– The 360

“The uniforms could be made out of blue tarps.”

– The 206

“Consider what can be saved by the name; landscaping, lighting, and security are all unnecessary around the Krakhouse.”

– The 360

“Ice skates could hang from power lines around the arena.”

– The 425

“Broken blinds and a dirty couch with the stuffing coming out are required.”

– The 360

“Substitute a huge neon crack pipe for the neon Key Arena sign.”

– The 253

“It needs newspapers taped to the windows to keep the light out, a broken window with duct tape on it, and a screen door on the front door of the building.”

– The 360

Do you have an idea for the Krakhouse? Leave your comment below.

Listen to the Dori Monson Show weekday afternoons from 12-3 p.m. on KIRO Radio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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