KIRO NEWSRADIO OPINION

Ross: Maybe more Americans should consider baby branding

May 26, 2023, 7:38 AM | Updated: 9:33 am

baby branding...

In this Tuesday, Dec. 16, 2008 file photo, Heath Campbell, left, with his wife, Deborah, and son Adolf Hitler Campbell, 3, pose in Easton, Pa. The father of three children who have names associated with Nazis. If only Dad had hired a branding consultant, KIRO Radio's Dave Ross says. (AP)

(AP)

The last thing a parent wants to do is saddle a child with the wrong name for the rest of his life. So according to Bloomberg, some anxious American and European parents have been hiring branding consultants to name their baby.

One company charges close to $30,000 to pick a baby name that spells success while at the same time avoiding the two main pitfalls of branding: trademark conflicts – you don’t want to accidentally name your kid “Kleenex” – and awkward links to historical figures. For example, depending on what happens in the next few years, the name “Donald” might be a risky choice.

More from Dave Ross: This level of graffiti is like defacing the Great Pyramid

And I know $30,000 to pick a name seems extravagant, but some parents can’t seem to control themselves.

Sweden outlaws names that invite bullying. So Elvis, Ikea, and Metallica, all forbidden.

In Denmark, Benji is okay, but Anus is not. Yes, someone tried.

And New Zealand has rejected Stallion, Fish and Chips, Twisty Poi, and Sex Fruit. And they call themselves a free country.

In America, we ARE free – in most states – to choose any baby name. But even here, certain names can get you into trouble. One New Jersey couple found that out in 2008.

“Within days after it had become public that Heath and Deborah Campbell wanted their son’s name, Adolf Hitler Campbell, put on a birthday cake, the couple got a phone call from New Jersey’s division of Youth and Family services,” one reporter explains.

Little Adolph was removed from the home, along with his sisters, Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie.

If only Dad had hired a branding consultant.

Listen to Seattle’s Morning News with Dave Ross and Colleen O’Brien weekday mornings from 5 – 9 a.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

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Ross: Maybe more Americans should consider baby branding