Seattle Mariners ask Washingtonians to pause all non-baseball activities
The hottest team in town is asking that everyone in the state of Washington pause all non-baseball activity. As if you’re doing anything else anyway.
The Seattle Mariners believe you deserve a break from all other activities or distractions so that you can enjoy the playoff race uninterrupted.
“It is unreasonable to expect the citizens of Seattle (Editor’s note: Washington!) to focus on anything other than Mariners baseball,” the team said.
Mariners baseball, specifically.
The team is officially calling for a statewide pause on everything else to help “increase the Fun Differential” in Washington.
“I spent most of the last week checking scores and looking up tie-breaker scenarios,” long-time Mariners fan Alex Lewis told the team. “Without this pause, I will have to make a choice between passing my midterm exams and witnessing the Mariners make history.”
(Editor’s note: You can do both, Alex. We believe in you, too.)
The Mariners have requested the following ahead of Friday’s game against the Angels:
- Washington State’s Endemic Mammal will be changed from the Olympic Marmot to the Mariner Moose.
- Edgar Martinez Drive South will be painted Northwest Green to account for the Mariners 17-3 record in the uniforms this season.
- The Fremont Troll will not let any opposing players, coaches, staff or fans pass on the bridge.
- The Hammering Man will be equipped properly with a baseball bat.
- Garlic fries must be served at every restaurant inside Seattle city limits.
- The calculation of Fun Differential will be built into K-12 curriculum state-wide.
As of Thursday afternoon, Seattle sits a half-game behind Boston for the second wild-card slot.
You can hear the Seattle Mariners on 710 ESPN Seattle. They play the Angels at 7:10 p.m. Friday, 6:10 p.m. Saturday, and again on Sunday at 12:10 p.m.
The team did not specify the length of the pause, but you can bet Washingtonians will stop doing everything else — without an official request — to watch Mariners baseball well into October.