Thanksgiving Day advice: Control what you can, don’t come empty-handed

The 2024 edition of Thanksgiving and the holiday season have officially arrived! That means the tips and advice to have the best days possible also are here.

During KIRO Newsradio’s “The Gee and Ursula Show” on the day before Thanksgiving Wednesday, Ursula Reutin and guest host Mike Lewis discussed multiple Thanksgiving-related topics, including what people should do if they know they will be walking into a situation where tough conversations can be expected and whether guests should be more involved with the planning of the host’s dinner.

What is the best way of maintaining peace during Thanksgiving dinner?

“Turkey time means family and family means difficult conversations,” producer Jonah Oaklief, filling in for Andrew Lanier, said to begin the segment.

“Should troublemaking guests be sent to the kids table?” Jonah asked, referring to a message sent to the text line.

“No, because you’re gonna end up having World War III just trying to send people to a table because there’s a conversation that you don’t like,” Ursula said in response.

What about establishing ground rules about the dinner with guests ahead of time, as some professionals have suggested?

“If we do that, I know that there would be some family members would say, ‘To heck with that!’ or if you’re like (co-host Gee Scott), they’re going to bring it up because they like that controversy,” Ursula said.

“They like to put their finger in the fan,’ Mike Lewis, who was filling in for Gee Scott, said in response.

Ursula and Mike both weren’t in favor of establishing of ground rules ahead of the dinner.

“You don’t want to give anyone a target, right?” Mike asked.

Instead, Mike suggested people look within, so to speak, and focus on themselves and what they can do.

“You have complete control of only one thing, and that is your response,” Mike said.

From there, his advice was to acknowledge the comment you may not agree with and change the subject.

“If you can just say, ‘Oh, I hear you.’ and then just go on with the meal or look at somebody else and … ask another question. ‘So, what are you doing for vacation?’ or ‘What you doing for Christmas this year?’ Just redirect redirect redirect,” Mike said.

Mike went on to reiterate his stance about controlling what you can control and remembering a gathering with multiple people isn’t just about you.

“But remember, you can only control your response, but you can completely control your response because it’s not about you today, it’s about a group.”

Thanksgiving advice: Should guests be more involved with dinner planning?

Moving on to another topic, “Is it enough for me just to bring a bottle of wine for Thanksgiving dinner, or should just be more involved with planning?” Jonah asked Mike.

“(If) we’re going to a house (and) if the person is actually a fan of a wine, buy a decent bottle,” Mike said. “It doesn’t have to be an expensive bottle, but talk to somebody who knows if you don’t know.”

Mike then shifted slightly and recommended not waiting until late to ask about what to bring.

“But if you’re just swinging by the market and grabbing whatever’s in plastic … that usually isn’t so helpful,” Mike said. I would ask them, ‘What do you think you’re going to lack?'”

Is it ever OK to come empty-handed?

Ursula and Mike both agreed that is isn’t OK to do so. Mike proposed bringing flowers or a place setting.

There are exceptions where arriving empty-handed as a guest is understandable, however.

“If you’re traveling a long distance and you’ve got (kids) and you’ve got chaos that that you’re bringing everyone gives you a pass,” Mike said.

Ursula offered another scenario where a person’s presence alone is enough.

“Or if you are really struggling financially, I think that’s another time when people (say) ‘We want you to be here and don’t worry about it,” she said.

A few other rules Ursula and Mike brought up:

• Don’t bring your own tupperware, Mike said.
• Mike brought up a key rule about tupperware for those who take the host’s: “The rule is you return it with something in it.” But make sure it’s not just leftover food.
• For those who bring flowers, try to bring the vase with you since the host is already busy cooking and doesn’t want to stop to find a vase, Ursula said.
• Regarding flowers, Mike had his own advice: “Do not pick them from that person’s yard or their neighbors yard because you forgot to do it.”
• Don’t bring something already open, like an open bottle of wine.

What is the best Thanksgiving entrée or dessert?

“The best thing is absolutely the sausage stuffing,” Ursula said.

Jonah weighed in called out one of the  staples of Thanksgiving, vegetable wise anyway.

“My mom makes us amazing stuffing too, and I always like the green beans,” Jonah said. “I don’t eat a lot of green beans. But (at) Thanksgiving, I like it, probably just because there’s a bunch of butter.”

What is your favorite part about Thanksgiving?

Mike started off by praising a Thanksgiving week staple, leftovers.

“I actually am a bigger fan of leftovers than an actual meal,” he said, “I love the fact that you have something really great sitting in the fridge waiting for you. It’s kind of like a little Christmas.”

He went on to talk about some of his favorite Thanksgivings not being spent with family and/or friends, but when he has been out of town traveling.

“My favorite Thanksgivings in some cases, have been when I’ve not been around people that I knew when I’ve been traveling for whatever reason and I had to be in a new city. I ended up, once, in New York City at a pub that was having an impromptu Thanksgiving,” Mike said. “I didn’t know anyone there and I had the best time. It was because it forces you out of yourself a little bit.”

Ursula chose to switch gears a bit and talk about what she is thankful for this year.

“I shared that this is going to be the first Thanksgiving that I don’t have either of my parents or my mother-in-law,” she said. “And so this is going to be a little bit different. I love the fact that we’re still getting together and we have invited a few other people.”

Ursula went on to add that she’s in a brand new position now given the deaths in her family in 2024.

“It’s a weird thing for me this year being like of the oldest generation now,” she said.

Mike finds himself in a similar situation and agrees with that assessment, adding that, whether we like it or not, death doesn’t concern itself about the holiday season or other “poignant events.” Instead, it’s comes and affects everyone at some point.

While some may not enjoy that line of thinking at this time of year, Mike added that it’s why it’s so vital to celebrate at this time of year.

“While they may make you hurt a bit, (the holidays) almost become more important … because it reminds you that now it’s your torch to carry.”

Head here or click on the player in this story to listen to the entire Thanksgiving-themed “Agree to Disagree” segment from “The Gee and Ursula Show.”

Listen to Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin weekday mornings from 9 a.m.- noon on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.

Steve Coogan is the lead editor of MyNorthwest. You can read more of his stories here. Follow Steve on X, or email him here.