‘I’m the sapiosexual my partner was looking for’: ‘Married at First Sight’ contestant speaks out after Olympic College departure

Shawn Best’s marriage on “Married at First Sight” didn’t work out, and he departed from his job as a vice president at Olympic College after controversial comments on the show, but Best said he doesn’t regret being a contestant.

“Absolutely not,” Best told “The Gee and Ursula Show” on KIRO Newsradio. “Not only did I learn so much about the type of person that I want to become and see in the mirror the person that I was and how I could improve, but I also think it led me to using community, partnership, mentorship. I’m part of some amazing men’s groups, some amazing community groups, still part of a lot of nonprofits, and supporting the community where I live.”

But Best said the experience also opened his eyes to something bigger than one reality show marriage gone sideways. He wants to open dialogue about how Black men are portrayed on television.

“A lot of times, the only narrative is if we are either thugs and gangsters, or we are overly, overly sexualized,” Best said. “And I think those are the two lanes that we get awarded for, or we get Oscars for. But a lot of times, we don’t get the conversation about just being a nerdy Black guy who likes to speak with frameworks. That’s called gay. That’s called atypical. That’s called indigestible. And I want to have that conversation more often.”

When Gee asked if he’s nerdy, Best didn’t hesitate. On the show, his wife Nikki Jefferson described herself as a “sapiosexual,” someone who is primarily attracted to intelligence, and told cameras after the wedding that she looked forward to experiencing that with Best, according to Peacock.

“I’m super nerdy, man,” Best said. “I am the sapiosexual that I think my partner was looking for.”

Ursula asked Best to explain the term he used to describe himself.

“Sapiosexual is that idea that you’re attracted to someone primarily from intelligence,” he responded. “That’s how I live. That’s how I thrive. That’s what I’m attracted to and drawn to, and I believe my partner was drawn to the same thing and said that they wanted that,” Best said. “So that is quintessential to who I am. I think whoever I end up with will probably have that as a high priority and a high value.”

‘Married at First Sight’ contestant Shawn Best addresses the ‘wifely duty’ controversy

Season 20 of “Married at First Sight,” based in Seattle, became one of the most watched reality shows in the world during its run. But for Best, a now-former vice president of diversity, equity, and inclusion at Olympic College, the spotlight came with a cost.

A clip from episode 10 went viral after his trial wife, Nikki Jefferson, confronted him about comments she interpreted as pressuring her toward sexual intimacy. Jefferson said Best told her it was a “wifely duty” and that he “needed a release.”

What Best said, as shown on camera, is that it is “part of showing up as a wife, noticing your husband has a need and filling that need at some point.”

He acknowledged the exchange didn’t play out well on screen and that he should have handled it differently.

“I basically should have just kind of like owned it really quickly and been like, ‘You know what, you’re not comfortable. I’m cool with that,'” Best said. “But instead, I found myself kind of trying to defend the semantics of the words that were said, and then that turned into sort of a denial of what basically that moment might have been.

“What I wanted to be clear about, which I didn’t think I did a great job of, was saying that no woman should ever be pressured to do something they don’t want to do,” he continued. “It’s never up to the husband to say, ‘I need you to do this for me because I’m ready,’ and that’s not a partnership.”

The Instagram apology he posted and deleted

KIRO host Ursula Reutin pressed Best on an Instagram apology he posted and later deleted, in which he said he “gaslit” Jefferson and was “BIG wrong.”

Best said the apology was genuine, but he didn’t want the attention to stay on what went wrong.

“The words that I used and were said on TV were what was said,” he said. “Those are words I take ownership for and accountability for. And basically, what I’m committing to is saying that I’m moving forward from this. I want to show learning. I want to show growth. I want to show healing. And I want to be a part of that journey for many men and many people who are in the world who maybe have had this moment before.”

He added that he pulled the post because he wanted to focus on correction, not confession.

“I didn’t want to put so much attention on the apology, so much that I’m not focusing on the things that I’m doing to make the corrections,” Best said.

Best departs Olympic College but won’t say why

KIRO host Gee Scott pointed out that Best is no longer with Olympic College, confirming his departure but not publicly stating the reason. Best had served as vice president of diversity, equity, and inclusion. Best said he couldn’t explain the circumstances of his departure.

“I really cannot say why. I cannot say why the departure happened,” Best responded. “But I can say that there’s no question that, with the amount of attention coming from being on a show like this, I think at some point the show was the third most-watched show in the world. I know that that comes with a new territory of just attention and press.”

He pointed out the separation came from the executive level and was a termination, not a firing.

“A lot of times at the executive level when terminations happen, which is different than firing, just for the record, terminations happen at the executive level. A lot of times there’s sometimes voluntary separation, and there’s agreements that say, ‘Hey, we just don’t want the smoke,'” Best said.

He added that he had recently received a raise and was being praised for his work.

“I had such a great opportunity to lead there and a great boss and a great team,” Best said. “I was getting praised for my work. I had just literally gotten a raise, and I’d gotten a lot of support from the community.”

Gee asked whether Best had told his employer before going on the show.

“My boss at the time gave them a full heads-up, full disclosure,” Best said. “I was transparent and said, ‘Hey, I’m thinking about doing this.’ Even talked to my PR guy and our HR guy, and just said, ‘This is what we’re thinking about doing,’ and they were like, ‘OK, cool. Keep our name out your mouth, but other than that, keep moving forward.'”

That moment at the altar

Gee asked Best about the first time he saw Nikki Jefferson at the altar, a moment viewers found awkward because Jefferson appeared uncertain.

“In that moment, I was so overwhelmed and thrilled about the idea of this Black woman coming down the altar that I’m about to marry. I’m on cloud nine,” Best said. “I didn’t hear her comment about, ‘Am I supposed to wait for my groom?’ I didn’t hear any sort of trepidation about anything. All I saw was just a nervous-looking person across from me, and I wasn’t processing it as nerves about not wanting to be there in front of me. I processed it as this person’s nervous, kind of like I am.”

Best wanted people to know there’s more to the story.

“Please be on the lookout because there’s about to be a tell-all that’s going to add color, context, and some comedy, so that you can know what was really going on behind the scenes,” Best said. “And it’s not going to be about Nikki or MAFS as much as it’s going to be about me, my journey, and what I experienced, so that you can know what made me stay for all those six weeks.”

As for what’s next, Best said his heart is open.

“Wherever it is, I’m open,” he said. “My heart is open to receive.”

Watch the full discussion in the video above.

Listen to Gee and Ursula on “The Gee and Ursula Show” weekday mornings from 9 am to 12 pm on KIRO Newsradio.