Wisconsin radio station says no Seattle music until after Sunday’s NFC Championship

The radio station 94.5 The Lake, in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, has instituted a Say No to Seattle policy.

“That means you are not going to hear any music from Seattle,” a nameless DJ says in a video The Lake posted online. “No Heart, no Soundgarden, no Pearl Jam, no Nirvana from Wednesday morning through Sunday afternoon when the Packers win the title game and go on to win our 14th championship in front of Katy Perry.”

Seriously? A Seattle music ban?

“Hey, we’re just trying to support the Pack!” says The Lake’s program director, and evening DJ, John Roberts. “I mean, let’s face it, we know the last couple of times the Packers have gone out there to play the Seahawks, things haven’t turned out in our favor. I mean, let’s face it, we lost opening night. Then that debacle last year with those goofy replacement refs and the mess with the Fail Mary pass. Bottom line is the Hawks should have never won that game, that call was so blown.”

Yeah, we get it, we’re awesome and you’re not, but the ban is just so childish! Are ya’ scared or something?

“No, it’s not a matter of being afraid but we recognize and respect how good the Seahawks are,” he says. “We just want to make sure we’re doing everything we can to give The Pack total, uninterrupted, unmitigated support. Because we know it’s going to be a tough contest. Let’s face it, the team’s great and the noise in that stadium during the game makes it tough for any visiting club. We’re dealing with the fact that our ace quarterback is not at 100% because of a bad wheel. So we just wanted to make sure we covered every angle in terms of showing our loyalty and support for The Pack.”

If you’re going to ban Seattle music, what about Seattle commerce? Are you going to give up on Starbucks through Sunday? Stop ordering products from Amazon? Refuse to use anything Microsoft makes?

“I say the fans can make their own decision on that, our listeners can make their own decision on that,” says John. “It’s funny because I’m a Starbucks junkie. Every day the gang at Starbucks here knows me on sight because I’m always in there. But hey! If people say this is the week they’re not going to go to Starbucks, I don’t blame them!”

So let’s say we wanted to do the same thing here in Seattle and ban all Wisconsin music. I hate to say it, but I don’t think anyone would notice.

“The Violent Femmes are from Wisconsin. You know, Steve Miller was born here so technically we claim him as our own. Of course, we take a lot of heat for Liberace. I’ll be the last one to try and tell you that Milwaukee is a hotbed of music super stars like Seattle is,” says John.

The truth is, Seattleites are not willing to boycott the best thing that Wisconsin has to offer. Can you imagine a plate of naked nachos on game day? A cheese-less pizza? An empty fried shell of a mozzarella stick? But I challenge you this Seattle: let’s keep our lactose local through game day; Beecher’s, Mt Townsend Creamery.

Make sure and crank up the Jimi Hendrix and the Sir Mix-A-Lot loud enough, so they can hear it all the way in Milwaukee.