Is social media to blame for Mukilteo shooter?

In the aftermath of the Mukilteo shooting, there’s something that’s not being addressed at all: how millennials deal with breaking up or general relationship struggles.

Related: Lawyer says tragedy was compounded by tools available

There’s something they’re going through right now, that many of you didn’t have to go through: social media. It makes dealing with break ups (or even just perceived slights in relationships, budding or established) so much harder than it needs to be.

Obviously, the average person isn’t going to commit murder after a break up. But social media amplifies the feelings of depression and sadness when dealing with relationship struggles. It amplifies your emotional reaction to an undoubtedly difficult time. No one likes to be dumped; nor do we like to do the dumping. It’s an awful thing to experience — and then to go online and see the other person moving on with their life.

Ivanov was reportedly seeing Snaps on Snapchat that were causing him to feel upset and depressed. And perhaps he snapped.

Social media allows us to see things we’re not supposed to. When you broke up in a relationship 30 years ago, you couldn’t jump on Facebook and see that she’s now dating your best friend. Eventually it may have gotten to you, but not that weekend. You see they’ve arrived at a romantic restaurant or they’re flirting with each other on Twitter, and you start to get jealous.

Before social media, it could take days or weeks to see the other person is moving on, not seconds via an unfiltered post. By the time it reached us, we were able to better process our emotional reactions. Sure, you had phones where someone could dial you up and tell you the gossip, but usually it was via a friend who could at least lighten the blow. Now, you just see the photos online of your ex (or dream date) hanging out without the ability to have it filtered and explained.

People find themselves to be more lonely, as it relates to their own personal lives, because of what they see on Facebook. Study after study has confirmed that. Part of it is that we have access to all of the things other people are doing, that we’re not. We feel left out.

Teenagers are weird and we’re not properly teaching them how to handle all of this. I’m not even able to handle it all that well.

I went on a date over the weekend and thought it was a fantastic date. I went out Saturday night, got a text that night telling me what a fantastic time it was. Cool. Next day I send a text and nothing. I send a Snapchat, but no response. Today? Radio silence. I kind of feel like I’m being ghosted. I feel like I want to start texting like a crazy person, but that’s not a normal feeling. Before all this technology, you wouldn’t be obsessing like that — checking Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter. And you automatically assume the worse and start obsessing.

I say this as a 34-year-old guy, with considerably more years than Allen Ivanov. I remember being 19 years old and dealing with these emotions is not easy. I just feel like we’re not actually teaching kids to properly use and deal with social media, particularly as it relates to relationships.

I have to wonder if this inability to handle our emotions in an age of social media plays a role in a tragic murder like this one in Mukilteo. It doesn’t excuse it. For all the benefits of social media — and there are a ton — I’m simply saying there are unintended consequences and millennials aren’t prepared; heck, adults aren’t.

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