Woman tells story of husband’s transition to become a woman

Tom Gabel, lead singer of the band Against Me!, told Rolling Stone he lives with a condition called gender dysphoria, and plans to become a woman. (AP Photo)

What would you do if your spouse told you that they wanted
to change genders?

The topic came up on 97.3 KIRO FM’s Ross and Burbank Show
after the front man of punk band Against Me! told Rolling Stone he planned to become a
woman.

Tom Gabel told the mag he had privately lived with a
condition called gender dysphoria, which is a gender
identity disorder where a person does not identify with
the gender they were assigned at birth, and finds it
uncomfortable to live as a person of that gender. Gabel
said he planned to undergo a transition from male to
female while staying married to his wife.

“We were trying to figure out how it could be that
somebody would be able to make the decision to stay with
their spouse when their spouse completely changed
genders,” explained host Luke Burbank.

A listener, hearing the discussion, thought she could shed
some light on the subject and offered to share the
experience she had when her husband came to her with a
similar revelation.

“I was trying to understand what he was saying,” said
Lisa, of Woodinville. “I understood he wasn’t
who I thought he was, and he didn’t feel like who he
presented himself to be.”

Lisa said her husband, who now identifies as a woman, came
to her about 10 years into their marriage with the first
indication that he was questioning his gender identity.

“We had been married about 10 years at that time and had
a couple of kids. We had a family and we loved each other
and
wanted to stay together. It just basically was something
we didn’t talk about or deal with because we wanted to
hold our family together.”

While they didn’t act on it at that time, Lisa said it
became clear that her husband was not going to be able to
continue living as a man.

“It became increasingly apparent that if he didn’t deal
with this, it was not going to be good.”

They discussed his undergoing hormone therapy. “I was
supportive of that. I didn’t want to tell him what he
could or couldn’t do.”

Her husband eventually underwent a surgical procedure
completing a transition from male to female, and while
they are no longer together, she said in her opinion, it
was absolutely the right choice for her spouse.

Lisa said her former spouse is “very much more at peace
and feels right now.”

The couple’s son and daughter are also accepting of the
transition.

“We were very thoughtful about explaining what it means to
be transgender,” said Lisa, of the conversations they had
with their children.

While Lisa acknowledged she’s sad at the loss of their
marriage and family unit, she said she’s thankful for the
peace her former spouse has found.

“If you love somebody, you don’t want them to be in pain.
You don’t want them to go through their life struggling
with something that is that emotionally painful.”

She said she learned that people don’t have a choice in
the matter.

“Who in their right mind would choose to change their
gender with the huge impact that it has on their life,
with their family, their relationships with friends, their
jobs?” asked Lisa.

“People don’t make a choice. People don’t make the choice
to be gay, or they don’t make this choice to be
transgender,” said Lisa. “It’s the way people are, and
other people need to understand that to be accepting.”

By JAMIE GRISWOLD, MyNorthwest.com Editor