3 reasons I can’t get into Halloween

Happy Halloween everybody.

However, I do have to say it’s hard for a grown man without kids to generate the enthusiasm for this holiday that is expected by my radio co-workers.

You see, I’m surrounded by people that are super-pumped for Halloween and there’s a lot of peer pressure for me to be as excited. So let’s break it down:

My first point of resistance: men who like to play dress-up.

I’m sure this is probably mildly sexist in some way, but I have a visceral negative reaction to adult men who love to dress up in costumes, especially at work. I’ve tried to loosen my attitude over the years, but most of the time I can’t help myself. It seems to be hard-wired.

My internal dialogue goes something like this: “Oh my god, here comes Bob from sales. Aaaannnnddd he’s dressed like a pirate. Now he wants to talk about a sales client. Does he know how awkward this is? I bet he’s regretting the pirate outfit by lunch. Dude, you’re 48 years old and you’re dressed up like a poor man’s Jack Sparrow.”

But on the outside I say, “Hey Bob. Love the costume! That’s awesome. You’re a pirate! Arrgh matey.”

Point two: Costumes in the daytime.

Kids dressed up in costumes for school make me smile. They really do. Kids at my door saying “trick or treat” is charming.
But for some reason, adults in costume during the day just doesn’t seem right.

If I’m at a Halloween party, and I’ve had a few cocktails and I can enjoy the outfits as much as the next guy. But put those same costumes in the light of day next to the copy machine, subtract the Jack Daniels, and it just loses its luster for me.

Sorry, not sorry.

And finally: candy.

As a recovering sugar addict, this is a tough one. If I have just one Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, it’s on like Donkey Kong. You’ll find me a half hour later surrounded by crumpled wrappers about to crash hard from my sugar high.

Seriously you guys, I can’t even start eating candy or it’s all over for me.

In conclusion, I get it. I’m the odd man out. So most likely, I’ll do what I normally do and just keep my mouth shut. I’ll make an effort to not to be a Halloween grinch, but it’s not easy.