Dori for Governor: Green lights for all!

Say so long to all the red lights if Dori’s non-existent bid for governor gets the green light. (AP image)

Tax cuts, environmental regulations, health care, blah, blah, blah. If Dori Monson runs for governor, he says his platform is short and sweet: Get us all going.

In the past, his biggest issue was cracking down on slow left lane drivers who would be removed with a fleet of magnetized helicopters that would swoop down and pick up the offenders and drop them into the nearest waterway.

“I would suspend all state environmental regulations,” Monson adds, addressing worries about possible environmental impact.

Now, the non-existent plank is growing. After hitting seemingly every light along Bothell Way and Lake City Way on his way in to work, Monson says it’s time to synchronize the lights running north and south around the city. First stop is Aurora Avenue North.

“First I’d put an overpass on a bunch of major east/west roads, maybe at 85th, maybe 145th, about $10 million for an overpass. And then I would just synchronize all the lights. I’d have them green for a long time. And if you want to cross you’d have a couple of places where you could cross east/west on an overpass, otherwise you’re going to have to wait a couple of minutes for a light.”

Monson says he’d do the same thing for other major roadways in Tacoma, Everett and elsewhere around the state.

He says even with all the helicopters and overpasses, it would still save taxpayers millions over light rail, sound walls and all the other transportation funding he so vehemently opposes.

“We wouldn’t need billions on transportation. You give me about a hundred mil and all of a sudden our traffic problems will virtually be gone in this region. We’ll save a ton of time. We’ll save a lot of gas.”

Along those lines, Monson vows to resurrect the third leg of his transportation plank. All government workers would be required to work either swing or graveyard shifts to keep them from adding to congestion. But in the spirit of compromise, he’d keep the DMV open into the evening so workers don’t have to take time off to renew their license.

“I’m telling you, this would be a cakewalk win if I run for governor…which I will never do,” Monson says.