What if Seattle leadership wrote the rules for Monopoly, Game of Life?

It’s the holiday season and kids around the country are asking Santa Claus for board games. That got listener Scott in Tacoma thinking — what would it be like if the City of Seattle wrote the rules for popular classic board games like Monopoly and the Game of Life?

The Dori Monson Show started out the brainstorming with the following suggestions for the Game of Life. Players would automatically get a house and a car without having to pay for it, because government has everyone covered. There would be no need for career or salary cards — government would pay players the bare minimum they need to get by. And the pink and blue figures for kids would be done away with, because that’s assuming their gender before they’re old enough to decide. There would be gender-neutral colors instead.

Check out the suggestions from listeners and add your own ideas for Seattle City Council-themed games in the comments.

Monopoly

If you land on a utility space, you can be hit with a $3,000 bill several turns later due to predictive billing, or whatever Seattle City Light calls it. Free Parking is eliminated because there’s no place left to park. The income tax space now costs you 60 percent. Get rid of the car piece.

– John in Federal Way

Everyone passes GO, properties are free. The max you can charge someone landing on your property is $5, and every time you have more money than the poorest player, you have to give a portion to someone not playing.

– Andrew

If you own a railroad (Sound Transit), all board pieces will be charged 30 percent of the value of any of their properties. Taxes will be collected every time the piece goes around the board.

– The 425

One of the game pieces for Monopoly can be a syringe. As this piece, you are the homeless druggie of the game, and you get special privileges — such as more money every time you get out of jail and pass GO. That money will come from other players.

– The 425

When you buy property and put up houses, you are required to allow other players set up their tents in front of your property. And you are required to clean up their messes. Defecating is also optional.

– Terry in Renton

Jail is now a free meal and a hug — no loss of turn.

– Daryl 

The community chest has been changed to a mobile drug injection site.

– Derek in Bellevue

The community chest and chance cards can contain random attacks by homeless people or squatters on your properties, or a random RV parked on your street. In any of the games, you start with a universal basic income, and every other space is a tax. If you pass GO, you don’t get more income; you’re considered to have too much initiative, so you incur a new additional tax. The idea is to go around the board as slowly as possible while avoiding each tax space.

– The 253

When you get the card/land on the community chest, all of your loan debt such as student loans, car loans, and home loans that were all acquired by poor financial planning will be wiped clean.

– The 360

After every roll of the dice you have to pay a ridiculous toll to move your game piece, then pay an outrageous tax on the property you end up on. Did I mention that you have to also pay the tab fee for your game piece as well, and that that’s based on an inflated value?

– Kevin in Bonney Lake

One of the Monopoly pieces will be an RV.

– J.P.

Dow Constantine’s security car is a Monopoly piece; every time he goes to a bar, you pay $50 a round.

– John in Bremerton

The Game of Life

Most people are commenting on a version of Monopoly. The Game of Life is a different game. Once I got my $1,000 and a car, I’d move to Tacoma.

– Bill in Kapowsin

No cars. If you do bring your own car piece, you are heavily taxed for every inch you move on the board. Other players pay for you to go the “college route.” All jobs pay the same regardless of experience — unless you are friends with someone in our local government. Then you get paid more, no matter your qualifications. If you take a law enforcement job, you lose a turn every fifth turn (due to being on Dow Constantine’s personal protection unit and waiting in a parking lot until he gets out of a bar).

– Julian 

Jenga

Instead of placing bricks on top, place to the side to build a bridge (not a wall!). When the bridge inevitably collapses, charge all players inflated rates for infrastructure improvements.

– The 425

Checkers

The red vs. black construct is patently racist. In the Seattle version, both sides play blue pieces and apologize when they obstruct each other.

– The 206

Clue

No matter the weapon, you always get another chance.

– Trent in Everett

Scrabble

Every word played must be checked by a government committee. Those that don’t pass muster are removed.

– Travis

Solitaire

All cards are face-up, including the drawing deck; you can pick up any card and move it where you’d like at any time. The best part is that you don’t have to play with anyone else! There’s no losing.

– The 253

Listen to the Dori Monson Show weekday afternoons from 12-3 p.m. on KIRO Radio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.