Expectations are too high for Seattle singles

Dating in Seattle is hell.

“Just meeting people and getting past the Seattle freeze was difficult,” says Eric, who believes most women give off a look that screams, “I don’t want to talk to you because I’m sure you have an agenda.”

“I would have high hopes for a date it would be a complete mismatch,” says Justine. “Dating was a disaster.”

Justine, 38, is a divorced business owner who had been out of the dating scene for several years and didn’t know how to begin with a relationship again. Eric, 43, has never married. He moved here from the Silicon Valley about 20 years ago and hasn’t had success in a long-term relationship because “women in Seattle don’t really tell you what they mean,” and he says “no thanks” to women who try to change him.

Justine and Eric took a 60 dates in 60 days challenge to see if they could find true love, or at least discover a solid attraction that would lead them to a committed relationship. In early October, they agreed to try dating services, singles clubs, a matchmaker and blind dates for 60 days.

Time’s up. How did they do?

Eric found love on date number 53, after first exchanging a quick email online with a woman through a dating website. Susan sent him a funny message and he responded, in part, because she likes football.

“That is so rare in Seattle to find women who don’t think that football is a terrible thing,” says Eric. They met to have a drink and watch the Seahawks play and are now “dating exclusively.” They’re pictured together to the right.

Justine is also in a committed relationship now with a local sheriff’s deputy who she didn’t think she had any chemistry with initially.

“After a second date I realized ‘Wow, I do like this guy. What was I thinking?'” she says. “Then after another date and another date and another date we were getting more and more attached.”

Justine and Eric are in serious relationships with people they say they never would have met without forcing themselves to date almost every day for a couple of months. They also ended up with people who didn’t match up with all of the qualities and attributes they had in their mind for their ideal date. Their dating coach, Barb Morgen, says that’s the biggest problem for singles – expectations are unreasonable.

Too many people come to the dating experience with this huge list of what their “white knight” or “princess” looks like.

“He’s this tall, and he has this color hair, he makes this much money, and he drives this kind of car,” Morgen says. “It’s crazy. You can’t shop for a relationship like you shop for a TV set. You can’t just pick out an HD model for a great price. It’s not like that.”

Be picky, Morgen advises, but only about a few non-negotiable characteristics. If singles have more than five desirable requirements on a list for a partner, they’ll be stuck in the Seattle freeze. That icy reception people who live here tend to give outsiders really does exist, according to both daters.

Morgen noticed “unfriendly Seattle” when she moved here from the Midwest many years ago.

“I really scratched my head and wondered, ‘Is it me? What’s going on?” she says. “At work, people I would know didn’t have anything going on, and yet they wouldn’t invite you out with their group.” The Seattle freeze is a “strange invisible wall” that takes a long time to get through.”

She’s trying to thaw the freeze by inviting Seattle’s friendliest single people to a mixer Wednesday night. (Time and location details here). She’ll also be casting for two more people willing to try her 60 dates in 60 days challenge and write a blog about each of their dates.

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