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Pot.jpg
While 1.8 million residents in Washington voted in favor of recreational marijuana, a little over 1 million voted against Initiative 502, which is now law. Schools who are noticing mixed messages about marijuana can be difficult for young people who are confronted with making decisions about using or avoiding this drug. (AP/MyNorthwest file photo)

Talking to teens about pot now that it's 'cool' in Washington

March 10, 2013 @ 5:24 pm (Updated: 9:56 am - 3/11/13 )

It's just fine with the majority of people in our state.

By a public vote, a small amount of marijuana for adults age 21 and older is legal. Since then, the President, Governor, and mayors have said it's alright.

Busting people for marijuana possession is a low priority for police too.

"When we see the perception of the harm of it going down, use does go up," says Frank Couch, executive director at the Science and Management of Addictions (SAMA), an intensive outpatient treatment center in Seattle.

While 1.8 million residents in Washington voted in favor of recreational marijuana, a little over 1 million voted against Initiative 502 also.

Mixed messages about marijuana can be difficult for young people who are confronted with making decisions about using or avoiding the drug.

How do parents talk with their kids about a substance that is legal for adults and suddenly seems okay in our culture in Washington?

"I can't be the only one who thinks marijuana is still not good for my kids, just like alcohol isn't something I want them to use," says Sheryl, who has a son and daughter in a Tacoma middle school. "Other parents have such a laid back attitude like it's no big deal, it's cool and I should light up with the kids."

Couch will be speaking to high school parents this week. He won't give them a definitive answer about whether marijuana is harmful, but he does note a young person's brain is generally not helped by drugs.

"Brains develop from the inside out, from the back to front and if we know anything about the brain the front is the executive functioning," he says. "That's where all the decisions are made, 'Am I going to do my homework? Am I going to pay my bills? Is it right or wrong?' All of that happens in the executive functioning and that's the last thing to develop. Putting chemicals in from the outside cannot be good."

That's the extent of his discussion about whether marijuana is bad for kids. He'd rather spend his time giving parents suggestions for how to talk with their children about marijuana because simply telling a teen he or she can't do something doesn't work.

"They get up in the morning and it's us telling them what they need to be doing - get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, eat breakfast - and then they're off at school where they're getting positive reinforcement from their friends for six hours. Then we see them at dinner time when we're asking them did they do what they're supposed to, did they follow through, what did they do wrong? When they're with us it's a negative feeling," he says. "When they're out there in the world with their peers it's a positive feeling."

In order to have an effective discussion with a young person about marijuana, Couch suggests an approach called the "PIUS" method which is an acronym for Positive, I statements, Understanding, and Shared responsibility.

Conversations should begin with kids with positive reinforcement. Sometimes it's easy to forget that, especially if you're upset with them because they're in trouble for something.

"Talk about something that they're doing well. When you start with something positive they're more likely to hear something you have to say later," Couch explains. "Then you use an I statement. 'I wanted to talk to you because I'm feeling anxious about what I'm seeing. I'm seeing paraphernalia or people in your class are smoking and I'm worried.' That's about you. That's not about the youth, so they're still hearing you at this point."

Show your child you understand what's going on in their world. He suggests an understanding statement could be: I understand a lot of folks are using marijuana and that there's a lot of political talk about it right now in the country after Washington legalized recreational pot here. I get it, but we still have to talk about it because the bottom line in our family is...

Is what?

What is your policy on pot use? I've discovered as a parent you need to have a policy on a variety of subjects, dating for example, long before it will become an issue.

"After they come up with a plan on how they might do something different or avoid first use, a parent should ask 'How can I help?' Then we become not the punisher but the assist-er," says Couch.

Coming up with a strategy together is part of the shared responsibility. One example of a strategy is giving the young person an "escape route."

"Put my number on speed dial, then you can just push one button if you're challenged with people smoking or you want an escape route and you can say ‘Oh that's my mom calling or my dad calling' and then you can get off the phone and ramble off anything ‘you mean I have to come home now' that's a strategy," he says.

This method might be helpful for parents, but Couch acknowledges that most kids learn more by example than by words. The old adage, "do as I say, not as I do" isn't the best parenting strategy with most things, including marijuana.

"It's a tough sell to say, you can't but I'm going to because I'm old enough to," he says.

By LINDA THOMAS

More from Linda Thomas

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Comments (29)


  • Add A Comment

  • ron prevost wrote...
    Booze is 'OKAY" in our culture, too, but..........
    March 10, 2013 7:02 pm
    not for kids, So, there shouldn't be much difference in the way we talk about pot,

    And, same as booze, don't get freaked out if your kid is caught smoking. Not good, but not the end of the world, either.

    The next question is is there 'responsible pot smoking,?

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  • froggy wrote...
    I wonder, too, if there is responsible pot smoking since
    March 10, 2013 8:30 pm
    the last two times I was at Steven's Pass skiing and in the parking lot leaving, two groups of snowboarders were there smoking pot. Right after they finished their bowls they jumped into their cars and drove down the mountain.
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  • Ron_Spins wrote...
    Smoking anything is bad.
    March 10, 2013 9:41 pm
    Think more of a edible
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • hnuh wrote...
    03-11-2013... pot
    March 11, 2013 5:54 am
    How bout this? " I smoked a lot of pot through my teen years, lost interest in school, got very lazy, watched a lot of TV and wound up dropping out because I got so far behind. I really couldn't organize a peanut butter sandwich. I couldn't remember a darned thing that just happened, was always misplacing things and losing my train of thought. Music sounded good though." So, if you're smart you'll stay away from the ganja.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • ron prevost wrote...
    OR.........................
    March 11, 2013 6:03 am
    Just have the kids read a few of CH's posts.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • Chuck Gould wrote...
    Too bad, Ron
    March 11, 2013 6:45 am
    On your best days, you show promise.

    But maybe CH was rattling your cage earlier in the thread and I missed it...

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  • messiah101 wrote...
    hnuh You showed all the symptoms
    March 11, 2013 11:27 am
    That many high school kids show that are 100% drug free. Attention defecit Disorder.By the way how is it you can remember what happened now?Did your Doc put you on Meds?
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  • Country_Dog wrote...
    Stupid Headline
    March 11, 2013 5:58 am
    showing once again the shallow understanding of MyNW (and all) journalists.

    Pot WAS "cool" in Washington before. Pot IS NOW "legal" in Washington today.

    What changed was the legal status, not the cultural reputation.

    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • TheNewsChick wrote...
    Country_Dog
    March 11, 2013 9:02 am
    "Cool" is a quote. But I get your point.
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  • just Fred wrote...
    The point here is
    March 11, 2013 6:27 am
    As parents, you need to talk with your kids. Not talk at them, not talk down to them, but talk with them. Ask them what they think, how they feel about life, school, dating, sports, how they fit in with the family. If you fill their heads with reefer madness horror stories they will disrespect you for it. Don't lie to them, give them facts and have an open and honest conversation with them. Absolutely marijuana is not for kids, and the only thing that stands between them and usage is you, mom and dad. Help them
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  • Chuck Gould wrote...
    Some of the allure for kids went up in smoke
    March 11, 2013 6:52 am
    the day it was legalized.

    That doesn't stop kids from drinking, or smoking, but the motivation is different. Kids drink or smoke to pretend they're adult. They smoke pot to be "rebellious".

    When it isn't as "cool" as it used to be, (because middle aged fat people can be seen smoking it in the park), more kids will evaluate smoking pot like they do drinking or smoking tobacco. Just like some kids decide the health risks are too great to justify smoking cigarettes, with the "cool" factor somewhat removed from marijuana some kids who would have made an emotional, peer-pressured choice before might now make an intellectual choice instead.

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  • messiah101 wrote...
    Tell your kids
    March 11, 2013 7:50 am
    That in life that sometimes things called social lubricants are used and that for century's that lubricant has been alcohol.Explain that if they feel the need to unwind and relax with friends or to simply relax at home that it would be much more suitable for them to use marijuana over alcohol.Explain that the use of both is ok if used in moderation but that some people have had their lives ruined by the overuse of alcohol
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  • ron prevost wrote...
    messiah, to be serious - there is apparently something about addiction you don't understand.
    March 11, 2013 8:09 am
    Pot and alcohol both activate the same receptors in the brain increasing the physical craving for more. While moderation is good for most people, the addict will seek to vastly exceed moderation. And if you're out of pot, you may just go back to booze. And then that ruined life by the overuse of alcohol starts all over again.

    It's called relapse. And that is exactly WHY a recovering alcoholic or a 'non-user' should NOT use marijuana. .. At least if he or she wants to STAY recovering or non-using.

    And while it is generally true that pot use caused less problems than does alcohol, you and many others do a disservice both to children and society in general by presenting weed as a totally safe alternative to booze.

    .

    While pot is perhaps less harmful, and is NOT a 'gateway' to other drugs (except alcohol), it is not OK. Either for addicts or for kids.

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  • messiah101 wrote...
    ron p
    March 11, 2013 9:26 am
    I have lived long enough to find that various human beings will find their addiction of choice. But why should the higher percentage of humans be prevented from seeking the joys found with a good drink or a good buzz?Its a big world out there enjoy the things available to you.
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  • ron prevost wrote...
    messiah - I'm not advising those who can toke or drink in moderation to avoid it.
    March 11, 2013 3:56 pm
    It's those of US who are prone to addiction who should avoid all. And I an specifically talking to you. I've never known anyone who has abstained from booze but takes up pot who could avoid eventually using booze again.
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  • jhosford4 wrote...
    what messiah??
    March 11, 2013 8:12 am
    Have a balanced approach to something??? Moderation??? But...that makes too much sense....my brain can't process...lol
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • BeenThere wrote...
    Chuck.....It's still illegal for minors.
    March 11, 2013 2:53 pm
    So the allure is still there in that respect. Seeing the negative affect it has on their peers and the circle they run with will more likely determine whether they use.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • The King's Son wrote...
    Spare the rod...
    March 11, 2013 8:50 am
    It's hard to believe that so many people don't see the connection between a lack of discipline and a lack of obedience. All of this advice lacks the tried and true, millenia-tested, Biblical truth that the father who loves his son will discipline him. It may be hard to believe, but you can't always reason with a child... "He'd rather spend his time giving parents suggestions for how to talk with their children about marijuana because simply telling a teen he or she can't do something doesn't work." This is true of families where children don't respect their parents...
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • messiah101 wrote...
    The kings son
    March 11, 2013 11:33 am
    Actually the lack of discipline is likely because mom and dad are too busy chasing the all mighty dollar to properly parent their kids.Mom isn't home when kids get home from school familys don't sit together for a daily meal.Parents believe if they buy the kids "stuff" it will make up for their poor parenting. Guess what? It doesn't
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  • mnpat wrote...
    Rasied two children, now young adults the old fashion way
    March 11, 2013 9:13 am
    You don't need artificial stimulants to get by.........seems to have worked just fine.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • messiah101 wrote...
    mnpat
    March 11, 2013 9:34 am
    UR correct, However the artificial stimulants do make life a bit more interesting.If you don't enjoy a good BUZZ thats entirely up to you. But Don't Tread on Me
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  • HLC wrote...
    Messy I can understand why you would need a stimulant.
    March 11, 2013 9:38 am
    I just can't understand why a person that can think for themselves needs one. Total waste of brain cells.
    { "Thumbs Up":"1","Thumbs Down":"-1" }
  • messiah101 wrote...
    HLC BUT
    March 11, 2013 11:37 am
    Who thinks for themselves any more? You might believe that you do but we are programmed by daily doses of TV and media as well as advertising. Now if truly NEVER listen to any of the sources I just mentioned and also never listen to what other people say then you can truly say you think for yourself but your participation on this blog shows your under the same ether as everyone else
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