DAVE ROSS

Be wary of Jeff Bezos’ grandiose Moon settlement plans

May 29, 2018, 7:02 AM
Jeff Bezos, Donald Trump...
Don't expect the grandchildren of Jeff Bezos and President Donald Trump to get along once Bezos' Moon settlement is fully functional. (File, Associated Press)
(File, Associated Press)

You’ve heard by now that Amazon owner Jeff Bezos, has pledged to set up a settlement on the Moon and will pay for it himself if he has to.

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He sees the moon with its low gravity as perfect for heavy industry like mining and manufacturing. While Earth would be re-zoned for residential and light industrial use.

That makes sense economically.

But now, fast forward 50 years.

The Moon settlement, Bezosia, is thriving, making snap-together skyscrapers and the fully-conscious vehicles that earth depends on.

But because Moon children would not be adapted to Earth’s gravity, the settlement, over time, begins to see Earth as a bunch of spoiled elites – totally dependent on Lunarians and yet off limits to them.

Until one day, Earth imposes a Moon tariff and that’s the last straw.

The governor of Bezosia, Jeff the Third, the Moon’s first Trillionaire, lays down an ultimatum: drop the tariff, or the Moon will sell exclusively to Muskvia, the Elon Musk colony on Mars.

United States President Don Trump the Third nicknames him Looney Bezos. He buys targeted attack ads on Brainbook, which are beamed directly into voters’ heads, so incensing Bezos he repositions the moon, leaving Washington DC in permanent eclipse, and uninhabitable.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Dave Ross on KIRO Radio 97.3 FM
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Be wary of Jeff Bezos’ grandiose Moon settlement plans