Scenarios: My boyfriend agreed to move states for work without telling me, should I go with him?
On the Gee and Ursula Show, hosts Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin take listeners’ advice questions and discuss what they think you should do.
Scenario: My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, we have broken up twice, and both times, it was after I caught him trying to get with another woman. The last eight months have been great, though. But now he tells me he has a great job opportunity in another state, he will double his current pay, and he wants me to move in with him. I have mixed feelings. I don’t like that he didn’t talk about the move before he took the job. He told me he was going and just asked me to come. Also, I have a girlfriend who moved to be with a guy who cheated on her. She didn’t have money then and was stuck out there for two years with no friends and having to save up to come back. We could try to keep the relationship going from different states, but I don’t really trust him when we live in the same city. What should I do?
Ursula: Use this as a natural breakup, a goodbye. He’s already cheated, or she suspects he cheated twice, and he didn’t even bother to ask her about the move and expects her to move. He’s doing a big ask and telling her to uproot her life for a relationship that sounds very shaky, at best. I would use this as a time to break up. And you know, if he comes around, or if he says I really made some mistakes in the future and I’d like to go to counseling, etc. But you know what? He’s just not that into you. He doesn’t have a whole lot of respect for you. I would use this as a great time to break up.
Gee: Oh, okay, Paul, what do you get?
Paul: I’m going to be with Ursula here. I did 2.5 years of long distance and it takes a lot of trust, it takes a lot of risk. It takes a lot of understanding where you’re at. And if you’ve already been this hesitant, if you’ve already had these issues, I can’t imagine you’d be able to do what I did without a lot more heartbreak and a lot more issues. So I’d say it’s time to move on and see where life takes you in the next chapter.
Gee: I just want to say, did you guys hear the last line? She said, ‘we could try to keep the relationship going from different states, but I don’t really trust him when we even live in the same city.’ There’s your answer right there. First of all, you should have been broken up with this player. Once? Ok. Twice? What! And then he takes the job in another city without telling you and then he’s like, hey, come with me. You can go, but I can guarantee you you’re going to be back. And hopefully, you can afford to come back. Don’t do it. This ain’t it.
Ursula: I think so often that there are people that think someone’s going to change. Oh, you know, now this thing is going to change everything. Now, if I show him I’m dedicated and I move with him, he’s going to change his ways.
Listen to Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin weekday mornings from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.