I loaned my boyfriend $50,000, but he can’t pay it back

On The Gee and Ursula Show, hosts Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin solve other people’s problems in a segment called … Scenarios.

More Scenarios: Should you limit your kid’s candy consumption?

Scenario: I met a younger man and fell so hard for him. In fact, I was blinded by love and I made a huge mistake. I’m 12 years older than him and was sure he was the one. He had some financial problems, so I let him move in with my three kids. They loved him and loved everything about him. Well, a few months later, we started getting notices from collection agencies – turned out he owed a bunch of money. The bank was going to repossess his truck, he owed a fortune on credit cards at a high-interest rate, he had school loans, and he even owed the IRS taxes from the last six years. It was bad. So I helped him out. I paid his debt in full. It was $50,000. He was very appreciative and all was well, but once his financial feet were on the ground, he decided to quit his job as a janitor at the elementary school and move to Las Vegas to become an MMA fighter. We stayed together in a long-distance relationship, which was hard, but ok. He promised to pay me back when he wins his first fight, but that hasn’t happened of course. He was working odd jobs and told me he will start paying something in March. It is now much, much later, and still nothing. I’m at my wit’s end about this. And now my boyfriend is all banged up from fighting, can’t work that much, and is asking me to send him money. I love him and my kids, but I don’t have any money. The $50,000 that I loaned him was all of my savings, and now I’m having financial problems. I’m at my wit’s end, and I don’t know what to do. 

Ursula Reutin: The first thing I would do would be not to send him any more money. Do not give him any more money, especially since that’s money you don’t have. Secondly, I would give him an ultimatum. I would have him let me know what the plan is to pay back the $50,000 and say, ‘waiting for you to win your first MMA fight is not enough. You need to figure out a way to get a job and pay, even if it’s in installments for a long time. You need to start paying.’ The problem is a lot of things happened that shouldn’t have happened. He moved in with her, the kids now love him. It’s a mess. It is a big fat mess, but I always am a full believer in not loaning people money unless you are willing to lose that money.

Gee Scott: I’m with you on the first thing, the first thing is don’t send him another dollar. Not another dollar. The second thing is simple. Don’t even wait, just go ahead, go out there sue him right now. So then that way, when he gets a job somewhere else, they got that lien to go, and garnish his check. Just do that right away, right now. Especially right when he said he went to Las Vegas to be an MMA fighter. First of all MMA fighters don’t even get paid that much.

Ursula: It’s like he’s saying, hey, I’ll start paying you back when I win the lotto.

Gee: There’s also a good chance that while he’s in Vegas, he’s living with somebody else and doing the same thing. Chef?

Andrew “Chef” Lanier: He must have been pretty special while you guys were together because you sound far too gullible.

Gee: What you mean by that?

Chef: I meant that he makes her happy. He made her very, very happy. Because look, MMA fighting is not a business plan. I know a guy that sunk $50,000 into becoming a content creator and Twitch streamer. And I think most of his videos got about 12 views. I think that’s about the same odds you have of making it as an MMA fighter. But here’s the deal, your relationship is already over. There is no such thing as having a long-distance relationship with someone in Las Vegas. They’re not staying true to you. They are in Las Vegas. They live in Las Vegas. Good luck.

Ursula: I think Jeff from Port Angeles has it right. Kick that poser to the curb, move on.

Chef: Or leg sweep him or whatever.

Ursula: But for a lot of people that’s hard, especially now that you got the kids involved. There are too many people in this world who think that somehow magically, someone’s going to change just because you’re in a relationship with them. I mean, this person does sound like a real loser, and not just in the MMA arena. The faster you can cut those ties, the better.

Gee: Well, you know, love usually puts them rose-colored glasses on for you.

Ursula: I mean $50,000 though, he has no respect for her.

Gee: I mean, he might have respect for her, just ain’t got no money.

Ursula: He has zero respect, borrows $50,000, and instead of trying to work it off, he says, ‘I’m just gonna go ahead and live my dream of being an MMA fighter and not pay off the money.’

Gee: I mean, he didn’t steal from her.

Ursula: He knows she has no money now, and she’s got three kids.

Gee: But he had a plan.

Ursula: It’s not a good plan. That woman got scammed.

Listen to Gee Scott and Ursula Reutin weekday mornings from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. on KIRO Newsradio, 97.3 FM. Subscribe to the podcast here.