Ross: How to keep your Thanksgiving peaceful this year

For we live in an age when nutrition’s the rage
And nobody has the same diet…
So the food that you get them must suit their digestion
And YOUR job’s to go out and buy it.

Megan’s a vegan and Frank is organic
And Carly eats kale ‘til it hurts
And Geoffrey hates gluten as if it were Putin
And Paul wants to vape for dessert…

Doug won’t eat dairy, he finds cows too scary
You name a disease and he’s got it.
Chris is cage-free, so his turkey must be
Free to roam ‘til the moment they shot it.

But one last preparation for such an occasion
Is crucial before your guests eat.
The people invited should all be divided…
According to with whom they Tweet.

That’ll head off discussions that lead to concussions
And once everyone’s in their chair
Take the wine cups and fill them, then drink like a Pilgrim
And pretty soon no one will care.

No, there’s nothing like turkey, and wine when you’re thirsty
And gravy without any lumps
Just pay close attention that during this session
That nobody mentions the T**mps!