DAVE ROSS

Ross: How to keep your Thanksgiving peaceful this year

Nov 23, 2022, 3:01 PM | Updated: Nov 25, 2022, 10:50 am

Thanksgiving dinner...

Dave Ross hopes your Thanksgiving dinner is peaceful...at least this year. (Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

(Photo by John Moore/Getty Images)

I know that traditionally Americans define Thanksgiving as a holiday started by Abraham Lincoln to remind us all why we moved away from our relatives.

But it doesn’t have to be that way…as long as you prepare properly.

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So I have some advice, and it’s in rhyme — to make it easier to remember:

The secret to living through this year’s Thanksgiving
To insure that your meal is amazing
Is to do what it takes to avoid dumb mistakes
Even though you might go slightly crazy.

For we live in an age when nutrition’s the rage
And nobody has the same diet…
So the food that you get them must suit their digestion
And YOUR job’s to go out and buy it.

Megan’s a vegan and Frank is organic
And Carly eats kale ‘til it hurts
And Geoffrey hates gluten as if it were Putin
And Paul wants to vape for dessert…

Doug won’t eat dairy, he finds cows too scary
You name a disease and he’s got it.
Chris is cage-free, so his turkey must be
Free to roam ‘til the moment they shot it.

But one last preparation for such an occasion
Is crucial before your guests eat.
The people invited should all be divided…
According to with whom they Tweet.

That’ll head off discussions that lead to concussions
And once everyone’s in their chair
Take the wine cups and fill them, then drink like a Pilgrim
And pretty soon no one will care.

No, there’s nothing like turkey, and wine when you’re thirsty
And gravy without any lumps
Just pay close attention that during this session
That nobody mentions the T**mps!

If they do, try this ruse the professionals use
To keep peace at this annual meeting…
It’s hard to get rude with a mouthful of food
So whatever you do, keep them EATING.

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Ross: How to keep your Thanksgiving peaceful this year